Seriously, I should totally win a “Mom of the Day” award of some sort. Check out this awesomeness.

8 a.m. Husband turns back up the volume on the monitor before he leaves for work. So totally totally rude and inconsiderate if you ask me! Especially, b/c my child was screaming and I was trying to sleep. A-hole.

8:10: Crawl out of bed and check FB.

8:15: Get my kid out of bed.

8:15: Set the DVR to Sesame Street. Go get “dressed” (hoodie over pajamas, flip-flops with socks, b/c I am one classy bitch).

8:17: Check FB & emails

8:30: Load the Luca in the car and head for some breakfast. I convinced myself I needed to eat a big arse, drive-thru, breakfast b/c I had to take 5 pills for my sinus shit and I obviously could not get out of the car in what I was wearing. I love you rationalizations

8:45: Arrive home with said breakfast. Luca was stoked.

Said breakfast for Luca

9 a.m.: We eat. And eat. And eat. Hey, Judgey McJudgerson! Relax! Its not like the kid was breastfed on quarter pounders or anything. Actually, he wasn’t breastfed on anything.

9:15: Runs to get a diaper for Luca, but really to check my email and Google “prednisone side effects: huge, fat, raging bitch”.

9:20: Come back to den. No Luca. Shit. Turns out my kid took of his diaper pissed all over the kitchen floor and then proceeded to crawl out the doggy door to hang out in the backyard.