Give me a minute, y’all. This is tough.

OK. I’m just gonna say it.

My Crack & Grow Eggling, the one I got at BlogHer, turned out to be a Crack & Fail Eggling.

It was supposed to look like this:

Good egg.

But mine looks like this:

Bad egg.

So, unless I got the kitty litter series, instead of the basil, I’m pretty sure something went wrong.

*Sad face*

Happy Monday, you guys!

Things are heating up here in the Texas Governor race.

Take my neighbors for example.

Each had a sign for their candidate.

But obviously that wasn’t enough, so one of them added a sign.

HMPH! Said the other neighbor. Two can play at that game.

I wonder which one will put up the “My Dick? It’s the Biggest on the Block!” sign first.

*I’ve been a bad blogger lately. Haven’t been able to put anything down that is worthy of my super amazing readers. But, I’m on it, you guys!

Stay tuned….

I was going to write a blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda post about my BlogHer 2010 adventure, but I haven’t recovered enough to collect my thoughts or write anything coherent.

So, for now, I’m just going to share some pictures with you guys. I’ll get down to the nitty AND the gritty in a couple of days.

Thursday night was the Schick Intuition Kiss and Tell Party. So much fun!

These chicks fake shaved ALL NIGHT. Talk about razor burn, yo.

Gavin Degraw sang us a few ditties. No big deal.

Friday night I went to the AWESOME Aiming Low HP EZPZ party. HP had a photo booth there that made everyone look like a sorta super model. And I’ll totally take sorta.

My awesome roomie and friend for life (unless she fucks my husband or something), Meredith:

Holly, Me, Meredith:

The one & only Guavalicious and moi:

Possibly my most fav pic ever. Undercover Mama, Miss Grace (middle) & me:

One of my most favorite people…ever. Mishelle & me:

Me getting licked by the amazing Shauna Glenn:

Also? I got to meet a few famous, non-blogger, people. Totally worth the cost of my trip!

Me & Elmo (total flirt)

Meredith, My Little Pony, Me (The Pony? Total bitch in person. *sad face*)

DO NOT ADJUST YOUR MONITORS. This REALLY is the Jimmy Dean Sun. And, yes ladies, he REALLY is THAT hot.

Not shown? A picture of me and Mrs. Potato Head, because I look like the potato in the picture and it’s my blog and I do what I want.

Stay tuned for a BlogHer 10 post where I tell you about everyone I did and didn’t meet, how I freaked out, changed my flight and came home a day early, and a lot of other shit no one but my mom cares about.

I am headed to New York City (New York City?!) for BlogHer 2010.

I am not calm.

I am full of emotions.

The dialogue in my head right now goes a little something like this….

I am so excited!

What the hell are you doing, Allison? I’m so sure.

I am so pumped!

I’m so nervous I could puke.

I can’t wait to be there!

OMG, I sooooooo don’t want to go. Is that a cold your getting, Luca? You may be sick. I may have to stay home.

And on, and on, and on….

Not that any of this neurotic-ism is anything out of the norm for me but, really, I have never done anything like this before.

People not familiar with this big, bad-ass bloggy world, always ask me why I am going to New York.

Oh, it’s just a blogging conference.

I tell them.

You’re a writer?

No. I mean, yeah. Well, not really. I mean, kind of. A writer of bullshit. *haha* But, not a real writer like all the other people going. And also, because I have met a group of amazing people that I adore!

And really? That last part?  IS the reason I am going to BlogHer.

I am not going because I want to make money. I am not going because I want to win any awards, or gain recognition. Because, lets face it, I’m not the most consistent, or hardworking, or witty, or talented writers in this here blogosphere. Not by a long shot.

I am going because I adore this weird little blog world so much. The outlet it has become for me has been soul-saving. With each relationship I form, each writer I fall in love with, I get closer and closer to who I am.

The more I get to know all of these honest, talented, and open women, the more I open up.

I learn more about myself with every post I write, and every post I read.

Anyways, back to my basket-casedness…

I’ve spent the better part of the last few days thinking about what to pack.

I hear BlogHer can be like high school on steroids and that clothes are like a big fat deal there, yo. So I went to to try and buy a few items yesterday.  Apparently, my ass didn’t get the memo that skinny jeans are still in style. Whatevs. And also, HOLY MOTHER OF ALL THINGS FRUSTRATING, trying on clothes with a kid is hard, y’all!

Anyhow, I get to escape for a couple of hours today, without the kid, to try and pick up a few “please be my friend and say I am pretty” items. Wish me luck pleaseandthankyou.

Also, if we happen to meet at BlogHer, you should know a couple of things…

My husband calls me “Mumbles” for a reason. I mumble. He’s always all, “Hey! Mumbles!” It’s totes my mafia name. So, if you don’t understand me, call me mumbles. Unless I am drunk, then just shut the fuck up. Just kidding.

I have to take xanax to fly. So, if I meet you on Thursday night (after I arrive) and seem a bit, oh I don’t know, CRAZY, give me a another shot on Friday.

But, the most important thing I want YOU to know about my BlogHer agenda?

Is that I have none.

I am there because I want to share with you! A laugh, a story, a drink, a hug, some tears, our common ground, our differences, and anything else you may want to share with me (besides like crabs or lice or gross shit like that).

I want to hang out and get to know YOU better. Not your blog, not your brand, not who you know….just YOU.

(also to get tipsy and not have to take care of a two year old)

And I am terrified can’t wait!!

See you fools day after tomorrow!