So, remember that Allison 2.0 bullshit I told y’all about a while back?

We’ve had a slight change in casting.

Meet, Allison 0.5.

*waves*

Let us count the ways I have regressed, shall we?

We will start with a tour of my two year old’s room.

Not too bad, huh? It’s pretty clean and there are pictures up and everything!

And not just any pictures!

I totally have one of those “My First Year” picture frames. You know, the ones that chronicle the first 12 months of your precious child’s life, all in one place.

Let’s take a closer look.

And……

We have this drawer in our kitchen.

I’ll just let it speak for itself.

I’m constantly telling the man, “Oh my god, dude, the trashcan is right next to the drawer! Lazy!”

But, come a little closer and I will tell you a super top secret secret…

Come on, don’t be shy.

Just a liiiiiittle closer….

Ewww, not that close weirdo.

Okay, there is good.

Ready?

I, too, let the beer caps fall where they may.

Which would be in the drawer, next to the bottle opener, three steps from the trashcan.

*blinks*

Back to the drawing board….

Vivi and Thomas loved to paint. They went to their grandmothers house every week for lessons.

After we lost them, all their paintings were published in a book and made into prints and postcards.

I found the perfect place for two of them! Upstairs in the common area, right outside my son’s room.

Thomas painted the dog. Vivi the clown.

They are just perfect and make me smile every time I pass them.

If you want the backstory start here and then go here.

Another sign went up this weekend.

Score
Liberals – 4
Conservatives – 3

Also, I am pretty sure someone is going to call the cops on me soon.

(See here if you have no idea what I am talking about. Most people usually don’t.)

Ahhhhhh shit. It’s now three to three and has taken a negative turn *sad face*.

Also, I am having a really hard time not swapping the signs in the middle of the night.

Or, Learn a New Word Wednesday. If you’re my kid.

I’ve always prided myself on being a great speller.

I’ll admit, I can get crazy with the cheese whiz commas and I don’t even know some pretty basic stuff like what the hell “…” is technically called.  It’s always been “dot dot dot” to me.

But, god damn it, I can spell some shit.

I mean, I won a spelling bee. Once. Yes, it was kindergarten and yes there were like 20 kids in the class. But, still, I fucking smoked that bitch with C-A-T.

With that said, sometimes I forget how to spell the dumbest, most basic words. Like, so dumb, I am embarrassed to give you examples dumb.

Like just now, in the previous sentence, I misspelled the word embarrassed.

But then the spell-check-know-it-all-asshole that lives in my computer was all, “Hey, you stupid hooker, YOU should be EMBARRASSED that you don’t know how to spell the word EMBARRASSED.”

There are certain words that I will never know for sure. I will never type and/or write them without doubting myself. Total mental defect.

Thankfully, in my internet world, I can be a total dumb ass and no one but me and the spell-check-know-it-all-asshole is aware.

But, shit you guys, I desperately need a spell check in the for real world.

You know, some sort of  an application in my brain that prevents me from, I dunno, hanging THIRTY poster boards like this one ALL OVER my neighborhood:

How EMBARASSING! (Shut up spell check. It’s called a pun. Asshole.).

*I ended up finding the dogs’ owner. He was a total A-S-S.

Happy Wednesday!

We are halfway through the week.

Hang in there, guys.