Hello. My name is Allison and I am a slob.

Hi Allison!

Thank you for asking me to share my story today.

I’ve been a pretty big mess for as long as I can remember.

My closets, drawers, under my beds….they all pretty much mimic what’s going on inside my head: CHAOS.

I’ve tried to handle this on my own. I’ll clean out  and organize everything to the best of my ability.

Then I’ll think, “Oh, I’ll just throw this here bra on this here chair in the corner of this here room. Just this one time. I can totally handle this. I will not get out of control.”

Hmph! WRONG!

Before you know it, the chair is no longer visible and there are shoes in my bathtub and tampons in my pantry….or some weird shit like that.

They say you have to hit rock bottom before you decide to seek help. Help, in my case, would consist of a very organized person to come and create a place for everything.  I think I can handle it once I have a place for it.

Anyhoo, this was my rock bottom.

I present to you Exhibit A.  One of three drawers in our den.  Is it a junk drawer you ask?  Well, obviously, it is now. Howevs, it started as a drawer for our 1,000 remote controls.

The remotes are still in there.

But, they are certainly not alone.

*Sigh*

Behold, the contents of the drawer.

*Golf ball

*Gas-X

*TWO, count them, TWO harmonicas

*Some weird ass mints – Ver-mints

*One new unopened Palm

*Six remote controls with one or no batteries in them

*Burt’s Miracle Hand Salve

*Golf glove

*Banana clip

*Two lighters

*One stray cigarette

*One decorative lizard missing one leg

*Said lizards missing leg

*Stray batteries

*One bumper sticker

*Two sunglasses

*Tylenol Flu (nighttime, of course)

*Two Band-Aids

*One empty sheet of Blue’s Clues stickers

*One cordless phone

*Scotch tape

*A wallet I thought I had lost

*Dog eye drops

*A ton of other weird shit that you don’t need to know about.

Are you there Martha Stewart? It’s me, Allison.