I don’t like to brag or anything, but I had the most beautiful flower girl in the history of ever in my wedding.

The lovely Miss Vivi Jacomini could not have been anymore perfect for the part. Or anymore excited.

But, it didn’t go off without a hitch!

Just as she was about to walk, she tripped on her gorgeous dress and fell on the hard, dirty ground. Sobbing uncontrollably, her amazing father took her hand in his and walked with her.

Once she reached the front and had calmed down, she realized that she had not thrown one single petal during her journey down the aisle. This did not fly with her, as she had been looking forward to her big role for months.

She was not about to let the moment pass without finishing what she came to do.

So, rather than sitting down during the ceremony, she stood behind me and picked handfuls of petals off the ground, gently placing them on the train of my dress.

I heard a quiet whisper behind me. It was Vivi’s mom, my cousin Susie, pleading with her to sit down. It was then that I turned around, in the middle of our vows, and told Sue to “Leave her alone! She can do whatever she wants!”

And so she continued placing petals on my dress until the end.

And when they announced us as husband and wife? She stood up and did the best twirl I’ve ever seen. I was so in love with her at the moment, that I failed to notice my wedding planner, Susie’s sister, jumping up and down at the end of the aisle motioning for me to “Come on! WALK!”

This picture means so much to me.

Two and a half years later, we lost our sweet flower girl forever.

I am so grateful to have this special moment frozen in time.

Does it break my heart into a million pieces every time I look at it?

Yes.

But, it also makes my heart smile. Knowing that I had her there with me on my special day, and knowing that it was her special day, too.

Oh, how she shined.

And this is exactly how we should all remember her.

Because this picture isn’t simply of Vivi, it is Vivi.

I’ve been saying I am going to frame it for a couple of years now, but, along with way too many other images, it’s been trapped inside my computer.

So, in honor of Kodak free print week, I am going to set it free, along with 19 others I’ve been hoarding in my hard drive and on Facebook.

Are you ready to set free those pictures you’ve been holding hostage, for free?

Well, then, you’re in luck, because October 17–23 is Free Kodak Prints week!

“What the what”, you ask?

Here are the deets:

Kodak Free Prints Week is an opportunity for customers to print photos from their Facebook Account for free directly from a KODAK Picture Kiosk, anytime from October 17 through October 23. To get your 20 free 4×6 prints, all you have to do is “like” Kodak’s Facebook page.

Easy Peasy.

In addition, to help celebrate Free Prints Week, Kodak has partnered with the Tumblr blog, My Parents Were Awesome, as a way to encourage people to print and share recent and past photos.

So, what are you waiting for?

Go unleash those memories!

(This post has been sponsored by Kodak, and I’ve been compensated for my time. However, all thoughts and opinions are my own.)

(all images by Leslie Gaworecki)

I don’t see a hole.

Sweetest five words EVER.

My TEE went pretty smooth. Though, I wasn’t aware going in that I’d have to be alert at the beginning, so I could swallow the ultrasound device. Which was pretty much a black cable cord with a camera on the end.

Not super delicious.

It took me a few tries to get it down, because I kept gagging it back up. It also took everything I had not to make a really bad swallow joke during all this. But, I was classy and waited till I got on Twitter to go there.

Words from the wise: Never tweet while under medical sedation.

After I got it down, they pumped me full of more sedatives and I was as happy as Charlie Sheen watching porn. I was aware of what was going on, but not bothered by it.

After he got a good look at my heart, I was told to cough and the device was pulled out.

Then, he told me he didn’t see a hole and, other than a minor pulmonary shunt, my ticker was ticking perfectly. Also, I have no idea what the shunt is, but I guess I’ll find out when I go in Tuesday for my follow-up.

After an hour of laying there, the nurse asked me if I could stand. I informed her that, “Puh-lease, I have been way drunker than this,” and hopped off the table.

You guys, I can’t even tell you how relieved I am. I’ve been having some pretty scary thoughts since finding out something could be wrong. Every time I looked at my boys, I was terrified.

Being told it could be something and having it turn out to be nothing?

A-M-A-Z-I-NG.

Thank you all for all the good vibes you sent my way! Love it.

*****************************************************************

Stop by tomorrow when I’ll be participating in Kodak free print week, by posting a very special picture that means so much to me. You know, “The One.” I’ll give you the scoop on how you can participate, too!

Happy Hump-Day!

Tomorrow is TEE day.

What’s that you ask?

TEE stands for transesophageal echocardiogram. It also stands for YOU CAN’T HAVE CAFFEINE FOR 24 HOURS PRIOR OMG HOW WILL YOU MAKE IT THROUGH THE DAY.

It seems to be a fairly simple procedure, similar to an endoscopy, which allows the doctor a closer look at my heart to distinguish what type of hole we’re dealing with. Basically, it’s an internal echocardiogram, they go down through my esophagus and up under my heart with a small camera.

And let me tell you, as the mother of two very young boys, I am so looking forward to being sedated for a few hours.

Bring. It. On.

I am so relieved it’s finally here. It was supposed to be last week, but of course I had to go and get sick, so reschedule we did.

I know nothing has changed since we’ve found it. And I’ve gone a whopping 33 years with it. 33 years that included two pregnancies, major surgeries, Redbull and vodkas, smoking, birth control pills, and a million other not-so-healthy things. But, now that I know it’s there, I’m always convinced I’m on the verge of collapse.

It’s the not knowing exactly what we are dealing with that’s freaking me out.

I have included a diagram to better explain to you what’s going down tomorrow.

You’re welcome.

I’ll take all the good thoughts you’ve got that what they find is no big deal, yo.

xoxo

You know that fun series in those extremely educational magazines I buy at the supermarket? The one that shows us Mario Lopez pumping his own gas, while talking on his blue-tooth, because he’s just like us!?

Each week a different celebrity empties out her bag to gives us a peak of what’s inside.

But, the whole thing is fishy to me. If I were to dump out my bag, do you know what you would find? Crumbs the size of my wallet, that’s what. Along with an extremely random assortment of other grotesque or unidentifiable objects.

My bag, and by bag I mean my purse (why can’t we just go back to purse?), is the only thing, other than my children, that I take with me almost everywhere. And it’s got the stink to prove it. At first glance it may appear clean enough, but get near it with a blue light and it’d most definitely glow in the dark.

Exposing its contents makes me feel a bit naked. And, yet, here I am.

It’s gross.

It’s real

And it’s not fixed.

I present to you, the contents of my purse.

I know, I know. The unwrapped tampon is completely unacceptable. But, don’t act like it’s never happened to you.

Besides, I am ready to lend a straw to thirty of my closet friends, and if you’ve got a jack-o-lantern, I’ve got two LED pumpkin lights. A girl’s gotta be prepared for an emergency, you know.

I’m also stocked for a headache and/or an anxiety attack, should either one occur.

The tissue, the napkins, the kid’s watch, antibacterial wipes, chap-stick, the diapers, and just about everything else in my purse—minus the medications and random Axe hair gel sample—have something to do with my kids.

Would I like to have a new, clean purse filled with expensive sunglasses and an extra pair of Hanky Pankies, just in case?

Absolutely.

But, those times when I’m away from my boys; when I reach in my bag for some gloss and pull out a Hot Wheels car instead are some of my favorite.

What’s in your bag?

A happy baby…

And a naked boy in a box….

In case you missed it, I’m exposing myself HERE today.

Happy Thursday, friends.

Thanks for stopping by.

xo

*My apologies to my son when he finds this on the internet one day, but it’s one memory I needed to record.

It’s like opposite month at my house or something.

My three month old is sleeping way better than my three year old.

Like, way, way, way better.

For the past couple of weeks, Big L has big waking up 2-3 times A NIGHT screaming at me like I am his bitch.

That’s MRS. BITCH to you, young man.

He is scared of the monsters and the spiders in his room.

And the shadows.

And the noises.

Mommy, can you turn on all the lights so I can stop hearing those noises.

It’s like he’s three or something.

I go back and forth, depending on my patience level, to either cuddling and talking with him or wanting to throw myself down a flight of stairs.

We tried the monster spray, which totally fucked with his mind, because I have been telling him over and over and over again that MONSTERS ARE NOT REAL. And then I mix up some water, Splenda, and baby probiotic drops in a spray bottle and tell him to spray it all over his room, because apparently monsters don’t like artificial sweeteners.

The kid was so totally confused, so I named it “scary thoughts” spray, instead.

What’s a thought, mommy?

Errrrm.

All the spray ended up doing was soaking his room and making his sheets taste sweet and calorie free. It did not make him any less scared.

Last night he was awake at three, up to his usual shenanigans.

After finally getting him back to bed, little L woke up and with an upset tummy. I think the rice cereal I use to thicken his formula (for reflux) stops the little guy right up. So, after an hour of grunting and pushing and crying, and looking like he needed an epidural, I popped a suppository in him, and a diaper on him.

And I waited.

And, well, that shit causes shit.

With an empty tummy and a huge smile on his face we finally fell asleep around five.

Only to be woken up again at six by the asshole cat.

Obviously.

I’m never going to sleep again.

On another note, I’m on a diet. I figure losing a few pounds will be good for my holey heart.

So, the next time Luca wakes up in the middle of the night, I will likely eat him.

Nom Nom Nom.

Sigh.