Both my babies were born with big heads. I can remember going in for my 37 week ultrasound, when pregnant with Luca, and the machine saying ” Out of Range” when they tried to measure his head. No joke. I spent the next week convinced I was giving birth to Stewie from the Family Guy.

So, when they told me at 20 weeks pregnant, with Leo, that his head was measuring three weeks ahead, I wasn’t surprised. They even struggled getting his head out of my c-section incision, requesting suction twice. I felt especially freaked the fuck out warm and fuzzy when the nurse said to me, “It’s just his huge head, the rest of him is normal!” before I saw him.

All I can say is thank god for c-sections, because OUCH.

Here’s the thing. All this time I’ve been blaming my husband for the big headed genes he passed on to our sons. For over three years I’ve been singing the same tune…

He get it from his papa.

Then I came across something that made my cute little head spin. A picture of my sister holding me when I was a baby.

Fuuuuuuck.

They get it from their mama.

I popped into Target the day after Thanksgiving, to buy Ice Age for Luca. He kept wanting to buy it on our Apple TV, so it was either buy the DVD or go bankrupt from the daily charge of $2.99.

After locating the very last Ice Age in the store, and thankfully so because, hello, Kim Jong, I quickly scanned the rest of the Children’s and Family Favorites sections, to see if there were any other babysitters movies for Luca. My eyes immediately fell on Batman. Score! He loves him some superheroes, so I knew it would be a hit.

Sure enough, the moment we walked in the door, he insisted on watching it. I had some work to finish up, so the timing was perfect. I settled in next to him on the couch. He with his popcorn, me with my MacBook.

With one ear on the movie, making sure it wasn’t too violent or dark, I typed away on my keyboard. I did heard the word “crap” early on and was a bit taken aback by it. But, against my better judgement, I let Batman keep rolling and went back to my work.

It wasn’t until I heard, “Cheer you up, mister?” that I began to realize things were not so, um,  family friendly. As I was frantically searching for the remote, Luca sat slack-jawed on the couch completely engrossed in the animated flick.

And this is what came next…

Luca threw the tantrum of the year when I cut it off and begged me to keep watching it.

No, you may not watch a move with pimps and prostitutes, dear. It’s for big people, honey. Now, how about that Ice Age?

I’m a little nervous now about how much Luca retained. I’m pretty much expecting to get a call from his teacher saying he bitch-slapped poor little Sally in the sandbox because she took his shovel.

Sigh.

But, I learned a few things from this little movie mix-up.

I need to be more vigilant about checking the ratings before I buy Luca movies, because, apparently, cartoons have hookers, too. Who knew?

Target might want to think about rearranging their DVD collection. Maybe, you know, take movies like this out of the Family Favorites section.

And, I totally win at parenting. Obviously.

I feel like a fool for trying to tackle this subject with so few words.  Or even tackle it at all. I doubt I’ll say anything here that hasn’t been said and re-said, agreed with and protested. It’s one of those topics. Divisive. But, with all that’s been in the news lately, I feel that what I have to say is important. At least to me it is.

The short, if you’ve not yet heard, is that the book of this couple has been found in the homes of children whose lives were lost through child abuse. Because God says the only way to raise a good, decent person is by beating them when they’ve misbehaved. According to Michael and Debi Pearl of No Greater Joy Ministries, anyway. They recommend a child as young as six months old be disciplined with corporal punishment. How does a child that young even misbehave? Takes the car out for a spin? Throws a kegger? Help me understand. Because my child is nearing six months and the thought of punishing him makes my stomach turn and my blood boil.

As of late, a few children, all adopted, were abused so horrifically that they died as a result of their injuries. Injuries inflicted by the very people who were supposed to love and protect them. Essentially, they were murdered by their parents because they were being children. And then, like cowards, these murderers hid behind their God. A twisted God.

The Pearls condemn the abuse in these cases, and insist they had no influence on it. However, their book, To Train Up a Child, was found in each of these homes. So, you be the judge.

Speaking of judges, a young woman just released a You Tube video of her father beating her with a belt for seven minutes. She set up the camera, almost a decade ago, to capture the violent spankings she often received from her father, a Texas Family Court Judge, when she disobeyed him. This particular beating was inflicted because she had downloaded music and videos from the internet, after being told not to.

Some people say it was nothing more than a spanking, a perfectly acceptable way to discipline a child.

You say tomato, I say beating.

Do I believe in spanking? No. Have I spanked my child before. Yes. And by spanking I mean a swat on the bottom. Once, because he ran away from me, out into traffic, and laughed when I finally reached him. The second, when he tried to push his baby brother’s car-seat off the couch.

Neither are moments I am proud of. It truly was harder on me than it was on him. I felt sick after it, because I always said I would never lay a hand on my child. Before I had a child.

So, I get it. I get the frustration. I get the struggle of not knowing what else to do and reaching the end of the line. The breaking point is a scary place to be. But, we are the bigger people. And just as we demand respect from the little people, they deserve equal respect from us. We wouldn’t hit another adult if they upset us. Most of us, anyhow. What makes it acceptable to do this to a child? It seems to me the most basic form of bullying. It just doesn’t feel right.

With that said, I don’t judge other parents who spank their children. I judge those who beat them. I know there is a way to do it so it doesn’t cross that line. But, that line is a slippery slope, and the right amount of anger can quickly push it over the edge.

Spanking is such a gray area, that all too often can turn black and blue. And for those children, my heart breaks.

What do you think is an appropriate form of discipline?

Luca: What’s all that stuff on your chest, daddy?

Daddy: This? This is hair.

Me: You’re gonna have hair on your chest one day, too, buddy!

Luca: *busts out crying* NO! I don’t want to have that on my chest, mommy!

Me: It’s okay, buddy, don’t worry about it now.

Luca: *still crying* I don’t want to have that stuff on my chest…because it tickles!

*I’m going to start posting these little blurbs here from now on. Things that I want to remember, but know I’ll forget.

I bought Luca a toy safari train yesterday, because he is spoiled sick.

Two passengers come with the train. And, well, it’s a bit of a bumpy ride, so they tend to tip over.

Last night, I took the removable top off to sit them back up.

They had gotten themselves into quite the unfortunate position.

Just as I was silently chuckling to myself, it happened.

“Is that you, Mommy?”

Oh, how daddy wishes it were, honey.

I had originally planned on using this for today’s post:

Who are they kidding? But, calling them snacks makes them a lot easier to eat by the handful. At midnight…

But, then I snapped another picture yesterday, of Leo staring at his brother, and I just about died. This is the look he always gives Luca. It’s such a look of love and hey you are my big brother admiration.

I just can’t get enough…

Sigh.

And now I’m off to eat some more “snacks.”

Happy Wednesday, friends.

xo

It was all about Luca this weekend.

Even more so than usual.

Saturday was his little friend Avery’s 4th birthday party at the zoo. And, as lazy as his parents are, I’m not sure he has ever been out of the house before 10 a.m. on a Saturday. Besides the occasional donut run, of course.

It was a big morning. He rode the carousel for the fourth time, but it was the first time he rode an actual animal. He usually plays it safe and makes me sit on one of the little bench things with him. But, he had his trusty sidekick, Colin, by his side and that made all the difference.

As we waited for everyone to join us, he sat nervously on his hippo, ordering me to hold on to him for dear life. Once things got started, and he realized how much fun it was, he relaxed and starting laughing like a little crazy man.

Fast forward to Sunday.

A couple of months ago, I got this incredibly stupid brilliant idea to purchase tickets for Max and Ruby, Live, at the House of Blues.

Now, I am all for taking my kids to see live shows. In fact, I kind of live for that shit, because I remember how much I loved it as a kid. But, for those of you that have not seen Max and goddamn Ruby, it is BAD.

You can imagine how thrilled my husband was when I reminded him that, instead of watching Sunday football, he would be watching two giant bunnies sing stupid songs to each other.

But, it’s for the kid, right?

So, we sucked it up, left Leo with a sitter, and off we went to Bunny hell.

One of us was very excited.

(Spoiler alert: It was the one who still shits his pants sometimes.)

While waiting in line for the doors to open – always fun with kids – this dude walked around shouting, “I need to see ID’s for any parent who wants to drink!”

I sheepishly raised my hand.

Obviously.

So, then I was stuck with this super classy orange bracelet that screamed, “I’m a mom and I drink in front of my kid, please judge me, because OMG I AM A HORRIBLE PERSON.”

Or something like that.

A bit of a Scarlet Letter, don’t ya think?

*This is a dramatic reenactment of me sporting the bracelet. I re-stuck it together the next morning for blogging purposes.

But, the bracelet led to the Bloody…

And Max and Ruby are definitely less annoying when taken with a Bloody Mary.

We spent approximately 3 million dollars on shit no one needs cute Max & Ruby merchandise and only stayed until my child had an epic meltdown intermission.

But, this pretty much made it all worth it…

When we got back home, we told the sitter that we had so many errands to run, and asked her if she could stay a few more hours with both L’s.

Then we went to run our errands.

Our delicious, thirst quenching errands.

We used to enjoy some day drinking. Not so much anymore, and on Sunday I was reminded why. Because, instead of going home to sleep, I come home to tiny, screaming dictators.

Thankfully, we had just rolled the clocks back the night before, so guess who was put to bed at 6 p.m.?

Thank god these kids can’t tell time.

Here’s to keeping them uneducated as long as possible.

Next up, Disney on Ice on Friday.

I am taking Luca out of school early and he and I are heading over to Reliant for the show.

He is totally playing hooky, which is way more acceptable than playing hooker.

Happy Tuesday, friends.

xo

I’m a girl that loves to eat. The only problem with this is that I don’t always crave the healthiest of foods.

I’m a sucker for some junk food, and I’ve got the backside to prove it.

I’m fully armed with the knowledge to eat healthy. I know all about good fats, bad fats, and all that jazz. The problem is, that try as I might, I don’t always apply this knowledge to my daily choices.

But, now that I’m someone’s mother, I’ve been trying to throw some healthier options into our snack rotation.

I’ve never been a big fan of kale. I’ve tried it plain, cooked, and in smoothies. All of which did nothing but get the attention of my gag reflex. Then one day, I tasted the fried kale that came with a dish my sister-in-law ordered. And I couldn’t stop stealing it. It was delicious, but I suspected it was simply because it was fried. I mean, you could fry up some air and I’d dip it in ketchup and have at it.

Then my sister-in-law shared her friend’s baked kale chips recipe with me. They have all the flavor of the fried ones, without the added calories.

My entire family is now hooked! Seriously good snack.

And so easy, even I can do it.

It’s wonderful with all the bells and whistles (lemon and sesame seeds),  but I’m partial to the the less is more version.

Let’s get to it!

You’ll need:

1 bunch kale
Olive oil
Sea Salt
Crushed red pepper flakes

And go!

1. Preheat oven to 325 degress.

2. Rinse kale.

3. Pat dry (I invested in a lettuce spinner because it dries much quicker, and also because I’m lazy).

4. De-stem and tear into smaller pieces, keeping in mind they will shrink when cooked.

5. Toss with enough olive oil that all the leaves are equally coated.

6. Lay in a single layer on baking sheet and sprinkle with crushed red pepper flakes. I normally do half with and half without, because not everyone in my house likes it hot like mama.

7. Pop it in the oven for 15-20 minutes, or until crispy.

8. Sprinkle with sea salt.

9. Enjoy!

*It’s best eaten the same day, a feat I’m confident you’ll have no problem accomplishing.

It’s a SEA DRAGON not a DINOSAUR…

Trick or Treating with his BFF…

I can’t believe I have friends…

Meanwhile, back at the house…