If you haven’t figured it out already, I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Kids are weird. And they do say the darnedest things.

I’m just hoping Luca doesn’t say some of his latest gems in public.

Let me explain.

No, really, let me.

HEY, YOU IN THE BACK, SIT YOUR ASS DOWN AND LET ME EXPLAIN.

Anyway.

In true boy fashion, Luca is obsessed with toilet humor. He loves to replace the words in songs and everyday conversations, with some of his favorite words.

Poop.

Pee.

Bugs.

Pompies (a Spanish term of endearment for bottom).

Examples…

Rudolph the peepee reindeer.

I want some bug soup.

Replacing the word Caillou with poopoo, in the opening song. (I can’t really argue with that, Caillou is a total shithead).

Twinkle, twinkle little pompies.

You get the drift.

And I know, boys will be boys. But, his new favorite word is starting to stress me out a little.

PENIS.

Clearly, the obsession starts early on in life.

Truthfully, I don’t have a problem with it. I taught him these words. I’m as straightforward as his age allows me to be, so when he asks me what something is, I tell him the appropriate word for it.

Penis.

Vagina.

Pimple. (This one I regret. Yes, dear, I know mommy has a pimple. You’ve told me 47 times today.)

And so on.

Wait, where was I? Oh right.

PENIS.

Luca has been replacing words with penis a lot lately. Like, a lot a lot.

And my first reaction is to crack the fuck up, because I’m 12 and, WHATEVER, it’s funny, you guys. But, I’m starting to get nervous about stuff like this coming out when I’m not around.

Like some of these nuggets he’s randomly blurted out at home this week…

I LIKE BIG PENISES and I cannot lie! (Don’t ask why my kid knows the opening lyric from Baby Got Back.)

Singing along to a kids song, “Everybody’s good at something, Leo’s really good at shaking his PENIS!”

“What would you like for lunch, Luca?” A penis pie, mommy!

Sigh.

I’ve chosen, so far, to ignore it all together, in the hopes he will gradually move on to some other inappropriate thing.

But, I’m pretty freaked out about how this penis thing may go down (HA!) at school.

Will he ask another student, at snack time, to, “Pass the penis, please.”

Or tell his teacher that mommy’s favorite thing to eat is a penisdog?

Or ask if he can sharpen his penis?

The penis possibilities are huge and endless (BAM!).

So, I’m really, really hoping he gets over this soon.

I mean, there’s only so much penis this mom can take. (ZING!)