Worry
Today is the last day of my first trimester.
I’m feeling a little better physically, with some good days sprinkled in here and there.
And mentally? Well, its one day at a time.
My anxiety has lessened. It’s not gone, but it’s better. I think.
Thank you, Zoloft.
I’ve been keeping to myself a lot. Turning down invites to parties and dinners. I just don’t feel like me when I’m pregnant and it seems like so much effort to fake it. Also, I’m pretty sure no one wants to hang out with someone that spontaneously gags.
As much as I wish I could fast forward through this pregnancy, I am also scared of what that means.
Another baby.
Will I resent this baby because he takes a piece of me away from my first born?
Am I emotionally equipped to take care of another tiny human? There are already days I feel I am barely getting by. Days when I am so overwhelmed that I want to run away.
I see other women with two, three, and four kids. They look so together.
I never feel together. Ever. And I only have one kid.
How the hell am I gonna do it with two?
Big. Fat. Sigh.
I’m so much fun.
Shondira
I felt the same exact way with my 2nd pregnancy. I felt guilt that I would ignore my first when the 2nd was born. And I had them close together-22 months. What actually happened is that I somewhat ignored my 2nd born-didn’t hold him all the time like I did my first, because I needed to take care of my first. So, second born was in his car seat a lot, the first few months. You learn not to be too hard on yourself and do the best you can. It isn’t easy, and like my pediatrician told me “it is a rollercoaster”.
admin
thank you!!! XOXO
cindy w
If it helps? While I’m not necessarily dealing with the same hardcore anxiety issues that you’re going through, I am absolutely freaking terrified of how I’m going to juggle two kids. I feel like the one kid that I have sucks all the air out of the room. She’s our focal point. Where is this second child going to fit into our lives? I don’t have a clue, and it’s really scary.
So, yeah. I hear you. Totally.
admin
we will so be in this together!!! XOXO
Jenny Georgio-who
Hang in there girl.
I don’t think you have anything to worry about. Just like parenting one came naturally so will parenting two.
I am NOT speaking from experience because I only have one kid but I’ve talked about this with many people who have more than one.
Their advice: Let someone else change the newborn diaper or feed them (formula or pumped milk since men don’t have useful boobies!) and spend time with the older child. Your newborn will NOT care if its mom, dad, aunt, uncle, or someone else feeding them. Your older child WILL notice that mom isn’t spending that much time with him/her.
I’m sure its all a balancing act that you will figure out.
Big hugs are being sent your way.
admin
thanks so much for your advice and sweet words. I appreciate it more than you know. XOXO
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
You will never feel together again.
Just a warning.
And that’s OK.
admin
I wuv you.
Just Plain Tired
Things will be chaotic, and life will be definitely busier when the 2nd child comes around. But you’ll find a way to cope, because the alternative isn’t fun.
admin
GOOD POINT!! XOXO
veronica
Do not worry one bit! It will be as if you always had them both and the love you feel for Luca will be the same you will have for the new baby. All I can tell you is that these two boys of mine and the 3rd one in my tummy are my greatest teachers of all time. They are the best drug and the best teachers of compassion, kindness and patience. Just wait and see how your world will be as if it always was. (except for those days when you had a little too much wine the night before…haha) xoxo
admin
I can’t wait to have too much wine!! Thanks, Veronica!! I’ll be hitting you up for advice! XOXO
the grumbles
yes. that’s all, just… yes.
admin
*HUG* XOXO
BuenoBaby
I agree with Angie. Also, you have a sense of humor. You will need it. So you have that going for you. How do moms without a sense of humor not go loony tunes?
admin
I’m already a little bit Loony Tunes…But I was born this way
XOXO
Kate
Right there with you – in every way. I am terrified, and having regrets. But, too late now! This little girl is coming.
I am afraid my boy will now prefer my husband, who will have more time to spend with him. I am afraid I won’t like the new baby as much. I am afraid I will be tired…um, forever?
I just keep telling myself that I HATED the newborn stage with my son – but – it got better. It will get better. You just have to grit your teeth and get through.
Annoyingly, my husband seems blissfully unconcerned. Perhaps because he won’t have someone sucking on him 13 hours a day for months. PFFFFFT.
admin
I know!! I guess its a little late for all these “WHAT I HAVE DONE?” thoughts?! When are you due? We can go crazy together
XOXO
Kate
I am due May 30th~! What about you?
admin
I am due July 25th!
leslie
having it together is overrated. and you will probably never get it together while you have kids at home (at least i’ve given up on that idea). but you will have MORE than you ever thought to ask for. i worried when i was expecting #2 — how can we ever love this one as much as our oldest? it just simply was not possible. but he was born, and i was head over heels in love all over again. there is room and love for all of you. and you are one amazing mom – your kids are lucky to have you, just as you are. you will teach them so much that is uniquely you. so what if you don’t look “together” from the outside. maybe you are erasing that expectation for your children when they become parents — they will watch you and see your love, your humor, compassion, and tolerance, and they will know that their mom is awesome and one day they can be awesome parents too
admin
DAMMIT LESLIE! You made me cry!! Thank you so much. I adore you!! XOXOXO
Priscilla-The Wheelchair Mommy
You will be fine sweetie!! I felt like my second was stealing my first. I cried about 2 weeks before he came becasue I’d never be alone with my first again.
Now we go on mommy/Will dates
admin
Thank u!! Are u less nervous about adding the third? Xo
Memo
Sometimes at work when I take on a new project, I think to myself “I will never be able to get this done, I just don’t have the experience/knowledge.” Sure enough, i always manage to get it done. Your situation may seem like an impossible task but you’d be surprised with what you can do. I bet you’re gonna have a blast with the 2 boys. Just wait and see.
admin
Dude. You’re awesome. Thanks for the words
xo
Karen
Awwwwww Ok I am old. But I do remember thinking how am I going to do this with two???? My hubby was in the military and a lot of times I was on my own! Scared and not sure at 21 pregnant for a 2nd time. Fast forward 26 years! I now have 3 grand babies from that 2nd child. Yes some days and even years were tough but I am thankful for those struggles that have brought on the joys! The good lord will not give you something you can’t handle and as a 5 year cancer survivor cheer on this new baby because fear is now JOY is forever!
Count your blessings,
Karen
Jennifer
I have never, ever have it together either. I’m actually not sure how I get us through most days. So I know if I can do it, then you can do it. (As much as I hate self promotion) Here is a link to a post I wrote some time last year about being a mom to two. Maybe it will give you some insight, http://www.mommamadeitlookeasy.com/2010/03/what-is-it-like-to-have-two-kids.html
Alexandria
I’m still only the mother of one so I don’t have any profound wisdom to offer. I worry about the same thing all the time (mostly when my 2 1/2 yro is losing is natural mind) and its probably why we don’t have a second. I will say however that I am the oldest of 8 and although I’m sure my mother had days where she thought “Why the fuck do I have all of these kids?” WE never felt that & we never felt that she couldn’t give all of her to each one of us. I’m sure there will be tough days, but I think you’ll be ok.
Elena
While you might not be the life of the party right now, you’re being real. Getting ready for baby #2 is tough and all the thoughts you are having is something I know I experienced. I was terrified to have another baby. Trust me though, just like the first you’ll figure it out. Good luck to you!
Sharon
You’ll do it – I’d be more worried if you weren’t worried. It’s a big adjustment. I actually found it more difficult to adjust to having two than I did the first time around. But I managed (and some days even kicked a bit of ass with my awesomeness) and you will too
julie
First and second born are totally different. First one is all, “Whoa! World changing!” With the second, you’ve already overcome (ha!) THAT huge adjustment so it’s all about the love. And there’s plenty to go around.
And I’ll tell you a dirty little secret. You will NOT ignore the first one. The first one is always more fun because they do stuff FIRST. With the baby, it’s all old hat – been there, done that. Also? MUCH less panic.
And we both know I’m far less together than you are.
Damsel
I had the exact same issues when I was expecting #2. I’ll give you something to look forward to that has touched me so deeply: watching our son be a big brother to our daughter. He truly, truly loves her! Their relationship is a beautiful thing, and I’ve learned to stop interfering, stop micromanaging it. I let him be the big brother, and let her be the little sister… and it’s just gorgeous.
Yes, there are days that I wish I had spent more time with him. But then I make up for it the next day. It’s an ebb and flow.
You will do wonderfully because love is not something that we have in a limited quantity.