I’ve done a real bad job of remembering to write down all the shit that sucks this week.

So, that shit sucks.

But, here is some shit that has sucked since last Friday.

Friday, January 27, 2012

Having such bad PMS that you feel like it could destroy every relationship you have sometimes.

Political ads on both sides.

The time Newt said he thinks Spanish is the language of the ghetto. I don’t know about y’all, but I’m totally down with some multilingualism! It can only be a good thing!

Oversharing and then regretting it.

Tornadoes.

When your baby decides on a new wake up time. And it’s 4 a.m.

Cutting your baby’s toenails….and accidentally cutting the actual baby.

Getting a notice from your kid’s school that someone in his class has lice.

Having a kid who has hair that’s a louse’s wet-dream.

Getting your ass schooled by old ladies at Jazzercise.

Taking a new medicine moments before Jazzercise and feeling like you may just poop your workout pants.*

Sharing that you are worried about pooping your workout pants on Twitter. See: oversharing.

And, finally, saying something really stupid, out loud and online….

Reader submissions – Gah! You guys had a lot of shit that sucked this week!

Greis: ‎#ShitThatSucks I haven’t seen you this week! (That shit DOES suck, greis)

Jamie Naiser Broach: you promised a park play date soon and never delivered…or you delivered and just didn’t invite me…sucks even more… (Let me explain. I sat up a party in the park, sent out an email to all my girls, and then totally forgot that I set it up. HAVE ANOTHER GLASS OF WINE, ALLISON!)

Kelly Laurence Hill When you’re super sleepy and are ready to crash, but hubby already sleeping and his snoring is so loud you know you’ll never get to sleep….gaaahhhh! (I agree, Kelly! That shit sucks and it’s annoying!)

Missy Walls When I cut an amazing fart and nobody is around to laugh with me. Just kidding. I don’t do that. Ok, yes I do. (We are laughing with you, Missy!)

Charity Jump When your 3 month old throws up everywhere, and you go change him, only to make it down the hall before he throws up all over again.  (I’m so sorry! That’s awful!)

Celina Cortez Serna When you are in the stage of your pregnancy where just look fat and not pregnant:(:( sucks!!! (Yeah, but I bet your boobs look phenomenal!)

Elicia Moore Seawell ‎#shitthatsucks Looking at your paycheck for two weeks worth of hard work/pain in the ass customers and your reaction is “that’s it?”  (I know you aren’t alone!)

Sara Lamont Courser ‎10 week old screaming twins in the backseat for thirty minutes in line at the pharmacy drive-thru only to find out NO PRESCRIPTION. Sigh:(  (Sara, I am getting itchy and stressed out just thinking of that!)

Amy Whitworth Freedman A newborn (who I LOVE) who has his days and nights mixed up so you haven’t slept in two weeks. :/  (THAT SHIT SUCKS, AMY!)

Jennifer Williams I puked in the dentists office.  (That sucks, jen. But it made me laugh for some reason. Does that mean I suck?)

Jennie Potter Johnson having a sweet smell and taste in your mouth since Sunday probably from a cold that is pretty much nonexistent.  (Jenny, are you snorting honey again?)

Barbara Leyendecker Wanting to hug Luca&Leo, but knowing it’ll be another couple of weeks….hmmm, thinking I might have a doctors appt… Forgot all about it, Memo ))  (Awwww, Bibi, that shit does suck. I think you DO have an appointment!)

Jessica Escobar A 6 year old with strep and a 7 month old with ANOTHER ear infection. I feel like I’ve missed half the month of work. GO ME.  (UGGHHH! I hear you sister! It’s been a sick winter for all of us!)

Ashley Evans Mattocks Co-workers who lack basic social skills and the fact that I have to spend valuable energy pretending to give a shit about what they are saying. (I think having wine with me will make everything better.)

Jenna @TheAvasmommy Slipping and falling on my ex MIL’s hardwood floors and making my back hurt like a mofo. (Ouch (I’m sorry!)

Daisy @daisyJD I scratched my car door…on the machine at the gas station car wash. (That shit’s expensive, too!)

zachary phillips @ZacharyAndrewP someone asked me at the salon why I was wearing a “legalize gay” tee, and “oh it’s legal?” w.t.f. (What the fuck is right, Zach! You guys should have shaved that bitch’s head.)

Badasian @badasian grease splatter sucks. (that shit hurts, too.)

I got two more submissions on Twitter. And they both make my shit that sucks look like shit that doesn’t suck at all. I’m not going to put their names here, because I am not sure they want me too. If it’s you and you want to share, let me know and I’ll fix it.

I’m pregnant & was biopsied today b/c it’s likely cervical cancer. Also? A teen rear ended us last night, & no hay ice cream. (I’m SO SORRY you are going through this. I cannot even imagine. I had an abnormal pap and it was scary enough NOT PREGNANT. I’m thinking and praying for you and I know things will be OK! They have to! xo)

Ex-husband coming to town & having to arrange visitation via attorneys? (Ugh. So, so hard. Sending you love. Your kids are so lucky to have you. You are an amazing mom and person. xo)

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Thanks for stopping by, you guys. It’s so nice to have a weekly place to commiserate about all the shit that sucks.

I love you guys!

Happy Friday!

xo

*For the record, no one pooped their workout pants at Jazzercise. WINNING.

Welcome to another new series here on Me and Mine: Snoop The Asshole Cat. I’ll be posting weekly, possibly more, because he’s always being an asshole. So much material.

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Snoop likes to lay here. Which means his tail always falls down in front of the cable box. Which means the remote never works. Which means I have to get up to change the channel. Which means I have to move.

I hate moving.

What an asshole.

* * * * * * * * * *

Shit That Sucks will be going up a little later today. I’m such a procrastinator. That shit sucks.

A week has passed and it’s Friday once again.

So, gather round and let’s discuss all the shit that’s sucked.

Friday, January 20, 2012 (wow, it’s already been 12 years since Y2K mass hysteria? That shit was stupid!)

When you find yourself screaming the same things over and over and over again and no one in your house gives a shit or even pays attention to you anymore.

Black jelly beans.

Being up until four in the morning with a sick baby who cannot stop coughing for even one minute (that shit is scary!).

Finding out that your baby may have asthma.

Not fitting into your jeans.

Diet foods.

Days/Weeks where you fail to keep it all together.

Being reminded that you failed at keeping it all together.

Feeling misunderstood and unsupported.

Black jelly beans (Did I say that already?)

Getting bills from the c-section you had 6 months ago, for the anesthesia. Apparently my insurance thinks I should have toughed it out. I’m such a pussy.

Anxiety.

People against equal rights.

Political debates.

Bachelor Ben’s butt cut (that shit is weird)!

Finally, coming across something that makes you question if it’s you that’s been the douchebag all along…

Reader submissions

Megan: sitting on the end of the row and having to let people out and in.. out and in. ALL THE LIVE LONG DAY. OMG STAY PUT.

Alisha: not knowing you had 2 pieces of raw shrimp left in a cooler in your car until the top slips, a week later.

Rachel: plans to go on a girls only ski trip thwarted by sick kid…reading said girls tweets as you fold laundry and watch tv.

Angie: imprecise feelings of inadequacy.

Ann: Ice-coated roads, trees down, snow, a power outage and no internet?

There has been much talk about SOPA/PIPA on the internet this week.

And, while my alter ego, Lazy Airhead, tried her best to ignore it, for fear that trying to understand it would break her brain, it  just kept punching her in the face.

And then I learned it was about government censorship. And that’s what made me stop collaborate and listen. You see, over the holidays, a family member (whom I love, so no bad-talky) told me I should think about censoring myself on Facebook. And, while I respect their opinion, I strongly disagree. I am who I am, take me or leave me.

Are there times for censorship? Sure! See: Janet Jackson’s left boob. Or was it her right?

Anyway, sure there is a time and place for it.

For censorship, not Janet Jackson’s boob.

Ahem.

Are you guys still there?

For the most part, though, I’m not a fan of censorship. Not at all. On a personal level, it lessens ones authenticity, makes them less real. And, on a broader level, it just plain goes against our rights.

Not cool.

So, since you are all probably shaking your heads saying, “What the fuck did she just say?” you can go here and here for an easy to follow explanation of SOPA.

And if you don’t like it, which you shouldn’t, you can go here to do something about it.

And, remember, DOWN WITH SOPA, but not with sopapillas, because that shit is delicious.

Thanks for stopping by.

Happy Wednesday!

xo

*This was previously published elsewhere and is not an active giveaway*

Sometime in early December, I was at Target shopping for stocking stuffers for my family. You know, finger puppets, games, and Hot Wheels for the kid. And really horrendous underwear for my husband. Santa has a sense of humor in our house.

While wandering the aisles, a question popped into my head. “Now that I’m the designated stocking stuffer, who the hell is going to stuff my stocking?”

Then, somewhere in between the tunics and kitchen appliances, the answer came to me.

No one, that’s who!

So, when I got home I decided to take things into my own hands, buying myself something from the beautiful Claudia Lobao collection.

Sometimes you have to stuff your own stocking.

The holidays are over, the stress gone, the gifts opened, the decorations put away (probably), and now, it’s your turn! After all that giving, we here at Curvy Girl Guide think it’s time for you to receive…something fabulous!

Five lucky readers will win one of these gorgeous, hand-crafted Claudia Lobao pieces.

A native of Brazil, Claudia’s line is sold at over 700 stores worldwide, a staple on ABC’s Desperate Housewives, and worn by thousands of women everywhere.

For a chance to win, just leave us a comment telling us who is in charge of the holidays in your house. Are you left, like me, to do most of the work? Or is it a team effort?

This contest runs today only, ending Friday, January 13th at 11:59pm EST. Five (5) winners will be randomly selected, and prize delivered to them upon confirmation.

You can leave as many comments as you wish, using a valid email address.

Do you find yourself repeating the same thing over and over again all week? This shit suuuuucks. I do. A lot. Sometimes it’s something big (that’s what she said), sometimes it’s something so small that drives you crazy insane. In fact, there is so much shit that sucks, that I’ve decided I need to run a weekly column chronicling it all. The plan: I’ll wrap up each week with shit that has sucked. And since I know that you guys think a lot of shit sucks, too, I’ll be taking submissions every week. Just reach out to me on Facebook, email, Twitter, skywriting, or whatever (just don’t show up at my house, unless you want to go to jail – that shit sucks), and share with me some shit that sucks. Easy (just like you!).

Now, let’s get started with my first list of shit that sucks.

Friday, January 13, 2012 (Ohhhh, Friday the 13th. That shit sucks!)

Sleeping smashed up against the rail of a toddler bed, with toddler feet in your face.

Yelling at your kids.

Guilt, from yelling at your kids.

Plugging in the baby monitor, when climbing into bed at night, to hear a SCREAMING baby on the other end.

Accidentally typing  instead of . Then spending the next hour worried you just made someone think you want to hump them.

When the DVR doesn’t record your favorite show (GAH that shit sucks!)

Intolerant assholes.

“Anonymous” internet trolls.

Mommy wars - women who don’t support other women.

People who can’t take a joke.

When people hide the guest list on Evites.

Finally…

Reader submissions:

Angie: getting an assy email and sending my kid to school sobbing.

@BartoloJ75: I’ll tell you what sucks, going to a Mexican restaurant and seeing white cooks.

Susie Vela thinks this shit sucks: going to the corner CVS to get a few missing toiletries, cleaning supplies that you forgot at the grocery store yesterday, and the ramen noodles you’re teenager asked for only to find they are out of chicken flav ramen which means you have to go to HEB after all because you know you’ll have the same dumb luck if you go to the corner Walgreens!

Amber: It sucks that my daughters may end up with a shared birthday (Feb 23rd) because the first was 10 weeks premature (due April 30th) and the second is most likely being induced 2 weeks early (due March 5th).  It sucks that this is so important to me, but I wanted them to have special days, and because of my failing body that might be the opposite of what happens.

@caffeinated_mom: getting heartburn from WATER #saysthepregnantchick

James Hickey: Social conservatives.

@jailphenom1984: Ohio State University.

@queenofpink: Puking dogs, sick husbands, underwires in bras, fighting teenagers, the BCS championship game.

@missuptowngirl: That under the skin pimple that you can’t pop & hurts like heck & never seems to go away. TMI?

@AmandaMagee: passive aggressive digs.

Thanks for sharing your shit that sucks. If you sent me a submission and it’s not here, I’ll get to it next week! Trying to get organized (that shit sucks!).

In addition to my new Shit That Sucks column, I am also adding a weekly photo column, “Snoop the Asshole Cat.” That’s some rich content right there ladies and gentlemen! You are so lucky.

Hope you have an amazing weekend that doesn’t include too much shit that sucks.

Thanks for stopping by.

xo

**I just googled shit that sucks (after the fact) and I found this http://shitthatsucks.tumblr.com/ —-I’ll continue my weekly column on it, but just didn’t want to look like I ripped this person off…because that shit sucks!

Six months ago today, I got to meet this amazing little guy.

I think he’s aged well. Don’t you?

Happy Half Birthday to our Leo.

You are the sweetest.

And I’m not sure how we ever lived without you.

xo

*************

On a serious note, I have a favor to ask of you, friends. For my sweet friend Jen and an amazing little boy. Her cousin’s son, Cole, is terminally ill. He has cancer. He is four. The doctors were sure he wouldn’t make it to Christmas. He did. And now his 5th birthday is on Monday. AND IT NEEDS TO BE THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER.

If you would just take a little time out of your day for him, it would be life-changing. An email account has been set up if you’d like to send him e-greetings or messages.

WishesForCole(at)gmail(dot)com

Or, you can send him a snail-mail birthday card, even better!

Cole Dieckman
PO Box 9
Joy, IL 61260

I brought the old school to him, with a game of Connect 4!

I’ve been following Cole’s story for a while now, you guys, and he’s such a fighter. What an inspiration! Please find the time to show this little boy how amazing and special he is…and how much he is loved.

Love most of you you all.

My poor husband.