So, I did it, you guys!

I presented at my first conference.

I was up until two in the morning, the night before. I was doubtful that what I’d prepared to present to these young ladies was good enough. Ironic, considering my session was about being confident. But, I guess how much we love ourselves, and how sure we are of ourselves, is fluid, and constantly evolving.

I felt numb and terrified as I walked into room 211 – MY ROOM.

I had the most amazing facilitator, who bent over backwards to make sure I had everything I needed and was prepared.

Thank you, Alberta Duran!

Each time she introduced me, she included some of the things I’ve struggled with – things I was about to share with these young ladies. You’d think hearing a lengthy list of all my “issues” would have made me cringe. Every part of that introduction was filled with all the things I’ve spent so much of my life trying to conceal. But, now? They’re all the things I own and embrace about myself. I was proud to hear every single word about me and my past, spoken loudly for all to hear.

We are all beautifully flawed.

I began each session by explaining that my husband had given me plenty of tips on how to stand up there and portray confidence. And, then I told them that I was completely terrified and not feeling very confident at all, since I’m so used to hiding behind my keyboard. But, I was there anyway, and maybe that is another kind of confidence in itself.

I think I must have apologized a million times to them for the fact that I didn’t wear nearly enough deodorant to mask the smell of my nerves.

I explained to them that they will hear people, again and again, tell them to get it over it, that this is just high school and they won’t care about any of it one day..that none of it would matter. I told them that couldn’t be further from the truth, that every part of it mattered. Their feelings, concerns, and worries ARE REAL, and should be validated. These struggles are no less important than the ones we, as adults, battle.

Then, I read this to them.

——–> DAMAS PRESENTATION <——–

And, as I read it, I felt it.

Every word of it.

As I glanced up between my words, the most amazing thing happened.

Connection.

(Above, Photo credit: Kin Man Hui, San Antonio Express-News)

I saw nods, I heard laughter, and I saw tears.

It took all I had not to stop what I was saying, run over to these amazing young women and their mothers, and squeeze them tightly.

In each of them, I saw myself. I knew exactly how they were feeling and it broke my heart. I wanted scream from the top of my lungs that IT GETS BETTER!

After I finished, I shared this amazing project by Katherine Center, and her fierce friends.

And I showed them her inspiring and powerful video.

Armed with markers and paint, I asked them if they’d like to give it a try. Because, I sure did.

Enthusiastically, they all jumped at it.

Everyone got up and began painting one another, and myself, with positive affirmations.

I had girls come up to me, with tears, looking down at their feet, explaining to me how they feel now what I had felt then…what I still feel sometimes.

I hugged them so tight…me needing their hugs as much as they needed mine.

I told them I would have hugged them so much tighter if I didn’t smell so awful.

We laughed.

I passed out posts I’ve written on my decade long battle with Bulimia, and others on how hard I’ve always been on myself.

And I begged them to please email me whenever they needed to talk. And, I so hope they do.

There was one girl in particular, that I cannot get out of my head. I won’t share her name here, but I do want to tell her…

You, the one with the big, beautiful, almond shaped eyes, accented with sparkly green eye shadow, I saw you and your beautiful soul in those eyes. And I am in awe of your spirit. You are so, so, SO MUCH more special than you know. You will leave a mark in this world that is bigger than any you could imagine. One day, you too, will see what others see in you. And your journey, no matter how hard at times, will help others through their own. I’m always here for you. ALWAYS. Thank you for YOU.

(Above, Photo credit: Kin Man Hui, San Antonio Express-News)

(Above, Photo Credit:Kin Man Hui, San Antonio Express-News)

I’ve gotten several messages since Saturday, filled with thanks, shared stories, and similar experiences. Some people have gotten better, some are still struggling.

But, I feel like I should be thanking them. This experience and that day helped me just as much, if not more, than it helped them.

And then I saw this, and my heart fist-pumped, screaming screams of pure joy.

I am so inspired to start a program like this in school districts here in Houston. It makes no difference what color, size, shape, or socioeconomic status, girls everywhere fight the same beasts and struggle the same struggles.

We all need to work on loving ourselves more.

And, I think that starts by loving and helping others.

Why else are we here?

I can’t wait to do this again.

And again.

And again.

Only, next time, I’ll be sure to apply extra deodorant, so I can squeeze people tighter.

Thank you so much to all those who worked so hard to make this conference a reality for the young ladies of Edgewood Independent School District. And, very a special thank you to Tamara Casso, who believed I could do this, even when I didn’t.