To Do List

• Dry-cleaning.
• Call Veterinarian about Asshole Cat Vaccinations.
• Paint Garage.
• Paint Concrete Porch.
• Study for the GRE because I suck ass at Math.
• Turn in article.
• Write stupid shit.
• Get new business cards, sans blow-job face.*
• Dick around on the Internet all morning.
• Unplug Chi-Chi’s anal glands.
• Bite off all my fingernails.
• My Husband.
• Manicure/Pedicure.
• Feed Children.
• Lurk on GOMI.**

*I got business cards. I’ll wait for you guys to quit laughing. Anyway, I got new business         cards just before BlogHer. I had two different versions printed up, using some pictures my good friend Zach and I had taken in a photo booth, one night….shit-faced.

Version #1

Version #2

Text

I didn’t think much of either. They were just the most recent, and decent, pictures I had of myself.

But, right after I handed version #2 to a friend, she asked me for a pen.

I asked her if she was going to draw a mustache on me.

A mustache? Please.

She scribbled away for a moment, and then passed the card back to me.

Someone had to do it.

Now when I hand my card out, I have to ask if they’d like the child-friendly/non-pornographic version, or door number two, the BJ -face version.

**I got sucked into the forums for an entire morning this week on GOMI. I know, I know, some of you aren’t too GOMI-friendly, but you have to admit it’s a hell of a time-suck, and way to avoid your to-do list.

True Story: The first time someone linked me to the site, I commented…like an asshole. It was some sort of lame attempt to defend someone on a thread, ON THE INTERNET. Someone I didn’t even know!

And…wait for it….I used my real name. A few days later, having forgotten about my noble act of heroism, a friend brought it up.

“You don’t even want to go back and see what people said to you.”

So, of course, that’s the first thing I did.

I got some knocks, deservedly so, for what I’d said.

But, one in particular stood out to me.

(Paraphrasing, because it was a long time ago…)

“You know your grammar is all wrong on your “about me” section of your blog, right?”

PSSHAW! Whatever, dickhead…I thought.

But, of course, I went to check it out anyway.

And, GODDAMN IT.

The dickhead was right.

I immediately, with sweat dripping down my forehead, went in and corrected it, so it would read less like it was written by my four year old.

But, this is how it used to read.

So, now, I’m just like half of a dumb ass.

And that’s good.

Though, I should probably change out of my wedding dress.

Off to try and cross more things from my list….

UPDATE: I just redid my entire bio. Yep.