I am the most hormonal person on Earth.

Just ask my husband.

(But, for his safety, not while I’m PMSing.)

My hormones dictate everything.

My reaction to things.

My coping skills.

My dietary choices.

My energy.

My parenting.

My intelligence.

My confidence.

My wife skills. I mean, skillz.

EVERYTHING.

Depending on where I am in my cycle, I either love myself, feel meh about myself, or loathe myself.

One week, I’ll feel like the most capable, funny, and skillful writer ever. I feel like my words are meaningful, and add something positive to the world.

But, once PMS kicks in it’s the polar opposite. Rather than funny, witty, or skillful, I feel completely incapable, like my words might actually make someone dumber just by reading them.

Wait. What’s that? You need a visual?

That’s funny, because I happen to have some.

This is an average month for me, depicting how hormones affect every facet of my life. The red indicates the most dangerous time of the month for myself, and those in my immediate vicinity.

For example, let’s take a look at the same scenario – my husband eating my last burrito without asking – at two different times of the month.

Days 6-20, when I’m feeling my best…

Days 25-31, in the throes of PMS…

And, while my husband has learned to identify the danger signs, and has become quite adept at navigating the minefield known as me, others have not.

So, a word to the wise – if you have even the slightest suspicion that I might be under the influence of hormones, please tread lightly.

And, whatever you do, do not eat my fucking burrito.

graphs – graphjam.com
comics – ragebuilder.com