There are a lot of videos on this here internet.

A lot.

But, I have one in particular I’d like to share with you.

Because he is my friend.

And his name is Blaine.

He is intelligent, funny, witty, compassionate, and loving.

And he’s really hot.

He is an upstanding, and outstanding, person, who contributes to this society in the same ways you and I do. The only problem is that some of society doesn’t believe he’s entitled to the same rights that you and I have.

This is not the America I want to live in, nor one that I’m proud of.

Sure, there are many, many wonderful things that I love about this great nation of ours, but, sadly, this bigotry negates so much of that for me.

I know things are changing.

I know that bigots are a dying breed….I just wish that would happen more quickly.

Anyone that can say Land of The Free with a straight face…well…I just don’t know about you.

But, as for me, I will not shut up until my friends, and all Americans, have the same rights as I do.

If you really love this country and all that it stands for, you shouldn’t either.

If anyone else has something they’d like to say, shoot me a link, or your words, and I’ll put them here.

This is it.

This is exactly what people are saying when they stomp their feet and shout that gay marriage is wrong.

It is no different.

I love this so much.

I just hate that it has to be said at all.

Unfortunately, it comes down to one very simple thing.

The people against gay rights don’t only hate gay people.

They hate anyone who isn’t just like them.

I came across this here, a wonderful site aimed at equal rights for all.

I promised myself that this time around, that during this election season, I would stay quiet.

I wouldn’t post political statuses.

I wouldn’t recommend any political articles on Facebook.

Of course, I would allow myself to “like” them. Because “liking” something on Facebook is the ultimate form of passive-aggressiveness…

Oh, I’m sorry that you saw that I liked the fact that this guy said you were an idiot. I didn’t realize that was going to be on my timeline. I certainly wasn’t intentionally throwing my opinion in your face. Even if I am right.

Unfortunately, I’ve not gone as politically incognito as I’d planned.

What’s that saying?

Never discuss religion or politics?

Admittedly, and this is not breaking news, I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut when it comes to all of the things. Especially, the things I believe strongly in, the things that really matter to me.

But, I do often regret posting links to political articles. Not because I don’t agree with them, but because I don’t want to be lumped in with the drinking the Kool-Aid crowd.

A crowd that I absolutely think exists…on both sides.

You know, the sheep.

But, me? I think and decide for myself.

I don’t watch MSNBC or Fox News, because I know what their aim is: to make money off of manipulating and igniting people’s feelings and vulnerabilities.

In my opinion, these networks have found their niche and are nothing more than blatant propaganda.

Now, if we could jump in my super-cool time machine and visit the eight year old me, you’d find I haven’t changed much at all.

I’m still an overly-sensitive, overly-emotional, bleeding heart, who wants to rescue everything and everyone.

The only difference now, is that I’m not as afraid of voicing my beliefs. I care much less about offending someone. And, I say fuck…a lot.

Yes, if one had to predict back then which political party eight year old Allison would be affiliated with as an adult, the left would have won in a landslide.

I’ve heard it all before.

The bleeding heart liberal comments, meant to be taken as a negative putdown and terrible criticism. They always make me chuckle a little…someone slamming me for wanting to do good by others, human or animal.

How dare I care!

But, rather than trying to eloquently explain how I arrived here, and what’s formed my opinions, I childishly fight back with insults of my own.

Selfish. Bigot. Unpatriotic. Nationalists. Bible-thumpers.

Never taking the time to ask others what has led to their beliefs, but desperately wanting them to know what’s led mine.

I was raised in a very conservative household. Most of my eldest family members are die-hard Republicans, of the Fox News variety.

And, I had, what some would say, a privileged upbringing; never wanting for much.

I’m the opposite of a minority.

I am white, straight, and financially comfortable.

I am the poster child for Republicans.

And, yet, I’m a bleeding heart liberal…the black-sheep of the family.

Much of this is surely due to those innate personality traits that I have no control over.

I cry when I see a slug in pain. I cry about most everything. I internalize the pain of other beings. I always have. Am I too sensitive and completely irrational? Sometimes. But, I wouldn’t trade it. It has allowed me to connect with people and animals in a way, and on a level, that I don’t think I could have otherwise.

I cherish that.

However, there are certainly external experiences that have solidified my liberal leanings, and made them stronger. As is the case for everyone, right or left.

For one, there are people I love, who have been unable to survive on their own. But, luckily, they’ve been given everything, lifted up, and supported in their time of need by people who love them.

So, I often wonder what would happen if she didn’t have family to support her? What if she didn’t have anyone to help her with food, and shelter, and medical expenses?

Would other people help her? Would there be a safety net in place for her?

Or, would she be homeless, starving on a street corner, or under a bridge somewhere?

If she didn’t have us, would I want her living in a society where it’s every man for himself?

The thought of someone I love not being lent a helping hand in their time of need? The thought of them being told to fend for themselves? The thought of them being forgotten and swept aside?

It terrifies me.

Because, the cold hard truth is that, the only reason she is alive today is because she does have a family who loves her and, more importantly, one who has the resources to help her.

But, how many people just as worthy as she is don’t have a family who is willing and able to support them?

Are their lives not worth as much because they aren’t as lucky?

I want to live in a country that helps those who have no place else to turn.

A country full of people who, when they see a homeless guy, or mentally ill person, or a drug addict, ask themselves, “What if that were my family member, or someone that I love? Wouldn’t I want someone to help them, if I wasn’t around, or able, to do so?”

Rather than in a country where people’s brothers, sisters, cousins, friends, and loved ones, are labeled as moochers and freeloaders, because they’ve been unable to make it on their own because of fill in the blank.

Becoming a parent has also proven to strengthen my beliefs.

I often hear people say they are voting for the right because of “family values.”

But, here’s the thing, family values are subjective.

They are not one size fits all.

And, I too, am voting for the left because of family values.

My family values.

When I take a step back and look at both candidates, I wonder if either one of them will really be any different once elected.

My guess? Not so much.

For two reasons:

Once elected both will inevitably gravitate closer to the center, and not act on half of those things that outrage one side and appease the other.

And, as for our current economic state, barring any drastic measures, I don’t believe the President has much influence over it. It’s cyclical, and is going to even out on it’s own, and in it’s own time.

To me, who we elect is much more about the message that it sends, and the tone that is sets, than anything else.

Which brings me back around to family values, and the kind of message I want my boys being exposed to, and the kind of people I want as their role models.

(And, no I’m not talking about every Republican that exists, I know plenty that also don’t drink the Kool-Aid, I’m just talking about the overall message of the party right now.)

When I hear The Right propose a ban on gay marriage, to me, it’s synonymous with bullying. It sends a message that it’s okay to discriminate against someone who is different than you, as long as you’re in the majority. To me, it’s no different than a a group of kids singling out someone who is different than them, punching them in the gut, taking their lunch money, and banishing them to sit alone at a separate table in the school cafeteria.

Ditto on religious intolerance.

What if one of my children is gay? Or a practicing Muslim? Imagine one day discovering that your own mother voted for someone who thinks you are less than?

When I hear a bunch of old, white men, attempting to make decisions for women, to me, it’s no different than if I were to teach my boys that it’s acceptable to try to control and disrespect their female counterparts.

When I hear people shout that we should be an every man for himself society, to me, it’s the same as raising my children not to stick up for people, and to not practice empathy and compassion.

I simply refuse to teach my kids that it’s acceptable to discriminate, bully, and fail to stick up for others, no matter how much power, influence, or privilege they may have.

So, you see, these are my family values, and why I vote the way I vote.

Kool-Aid hasn’t a damn thing to do with it.

And, no matter the outcome of this election, I will continue teaching my boys what I think is right and wrong.

Just as I will continue to kick and scream and voice my beliefs, and probably call people assholes and bigots along the way, no matter how much I try to restrain myself.

Because, when it comes down to it, my family values are just as valuable as yours.

Update: Tomorrow is Spirit Day. So, slip on your purple and proudly stand by your LGBT loved ones, as you stand up against bullying!

Last night, while I was fake-sleeping next to Kim Jong, I came across THIS NUGGET on my iPhone.

The gist of the article, entitled, “Kirk Cameron: Calling Gays ‘Destructive And Unnatural’ Is Love Speech,” goes a little something like this:

“Cameron says when you persecute gays you “speak the truth in love.

‘The truth is always love speech, it’s not hate speech. The truth, communicated with compassion, with the desire to see people in a right relationship with God, helped, and healed, and whole, is the most genuine form of love speech you can give to anyone.’”

It took all I had not to nudge my kid from is own fake-sleep and say, “Can you believe this asshole!”

But, rather than exposing my sweet boy to the real boogie men of the world, I took my rage to the internet.

Thankfully, my dear friends who live in my computer were just as disgusted by the has-been’s tired and bigoted remarks.

Here’s the thing.

There are so many people who spew this brand of hateful rhetoric, and, “Oh so controversial look at me! Look at me!” bullshit.

But, most of the time, I don’t believe that they even believe the things they’re saying. But, sadly, dollar signs can turn a lot of people into dicks.

But, Kirk?

I think he truly believes the things he says.

I’d put money on the fact that he’s just as bat shit crazy as he comes off.

The article goes on to say,

“For the record, Cameron calls homosexuality a “behavior,” and says “just because you feel one way doesn’t mean we should act on everything we feel.

‘Marriage is almost as old as dirt, and it was defined in the garden between Adam and Eve,” Cameron also told Piers Morgan. “One man, one woman for life till death do you part. So I would never attempt to try to redefine marriage. And I don’t think anyone else should either. So do I support the idea of gay marriage? No, I don’t.’”

Oh, golly gee Kirk, you’re so fucking insightful.

And, by insightful, I mean you’re a loose cannon, a bigoted asshole, and a danger to our society.

People, particularly children and young adults, kill themselves  all the time  when they hear  ignorant people like you  shouting from the rooftops  that they are somehow abnormal.

When, in reality people like you are the only abnormal ones.

When kids hear someone tell them that they should be ashamed of who they are, and that they shouldn’t be who they are, they believe it.

They are far too young to know that you’re really just a weak, little man who despises himself.

Every time a gay teenager or child commits suicide, it’s because of people like YOU.

Yeah, I said it.

Mike Seaver is killing gay people.

GASP!

It’s true.

Their blood is on his hands.

And Kirk-the-Jerk has SIX CHILDREN.

Six kids who are exposed to this kind of hate speech, daily.

Six kids who will likely go to school and bully other kids, because of what they’re learning at home – that it’s acceptable to do so.

And, what if one of his kids is gay?

Ugh. The thought of that makes my stomach turn. A child living in a house where they cannot be themselves. Coming home each day to a place that should be their safe zone, a place where they should be supported and loved no matter who they are. But, instead, they come home to a place where they feel nothing other than shame, fear, and self-loathing.

Kirk, I don’t give a shit what your bible says.

I don’t care what your god says.

You have the right to believe what you choose to believe.

But, you do not have the right to project your hateful, antiquated, despicable bullshit on the rest of society, simply because you’re a washed up actor trying to stay relevant.

You are irrelevant.

You are toxic.

You are a fear-monger.

You are a bully.

You are a fake Christian.

You cannot fool me with your sweet, little, curly head of hair, and shit-bag grin.

You’re no different than some skin-head, white supremacist asshole. You’re the boogie man in disguise, hiding behind some fucked up version of religion.

You are hate.

The only unnatural people are those they care about some random dude’s sexual preference.

For Christ’s sake, you had a friend named Boner for years.

But, fortunately, you are the minority, the outcast, and the sinner.

Each time I hear people like you open their disgusting mouths, my head explodes.

But, then, I put something like this out, and all the goodness and decency returned allows my soul to smile again.

You are a dying breed, Mike Seaver.

I thank GOD for that.

And, with all due respect, please shut the fuck up.

P.S. You’ve been replaced with Alex P. Keaton, even if he was a little conservative for my taste.

The only childhood memory I have of politics is sitting around the television with my family, waiting to find out if Reagan had been reelected.

And, boy, how I wanted him to win.

Because, my mom did, so, of course.

I was eight and had yet to discover the concept of free thinking. And, I was pretty sure it was illegal to think differently than your parents.

It wasn’t until I began approaching the legal voting age, that I realized I could have my own opinions on all of the things.

The freedom to think for myself was so….freeing.

As I began to understand political parties, and all they represent, it dawned on me that I wasn’t a die-hard Republican, like most of my family. In fact, my bleeding heart and desire to save the world, placed me on the exact opposite end of the political spectrum of bullshit.

I remember the day I came out to my mom. We were standing on opposite sides of an Abercrombie and Fitch t-shirt display, and I shouted over the blaring music, “I DIDN’T VOTE FOR BUSH!”

*Record scratch*

Gasp!

At first, I think my mom thought I’d inhaled too much Abercrombie cologne, but I said it again, and louder this time, with less of a catch in my voice.

I didn’t vote for Bush!

By her reaction, you would have thought I’d just proclaimed my dream to be the first American female suicide bomber.

From then on, my mom and I have had more heated political disputes than I can count. One even ended with me crying tears of world peace, onto my bacon, at a local breakfast diner.

The women in my family are of the dramatic variety, a gene which I definitely inherited.

I also inherited stubbornness, a loud mouth, and way too much passion over things, and people, that I don’t have the power to change.

Now, when it comes to fiscal shit, I don’t dig in too deep. Like I’ve said before, math and numbers make me itchy and nervous and nauseous. I usually only go so far as to say that I think both sides need to bend more and give a little (insert sex joke here). You know, if we could possibly cut spending and raise taxes, maybe we’d all be better off.

But, who the fuck cares about moderation anymore, right? As long as their team is winning.

Moving on…

My true passion lies with social issues.

In a nutshell…

I believe that every child deserves the same education and healthcare that my child is privileged enough to have.

I believe that the poorest of the poor deserve the same access to healthcare that I’m lucky enough to have.

I believe that everyone deserves equal rights when it comes to who they choose to marry.

And, I believe that no one has the right to tell me what to do with my body….my lady-bits in particular.

Contrary to how that last part may sound, I’m far from what you’d call a feminist.

Open the door for me? Help me carry this heavy box? Pay for my dinner? Earn all the money and let me stay home and fuck around online? SIGN ME UP! Just don’t tell me what to do with my vagina.

Seriously, though, these are things I’m inflexible on; and things I’d be happy to pay extra taxes for, because I know that the situation we’re all born into is merely a big, fucking, crap-shoot. Some of us are members of the lucky sperm club, but so many are not. I could have just as easily been born into nothing…and have nothing….but, I’m one of the lucky ones, the privileged, as they say.

And, it’s because of my strong beliefs on these issues, that I could never bring myself to cast a vote for a Republican. Well, at least not the latest breed of them, anyway.

This is where things get tricky for me. Trying to reconcile my strong “to each his own” philosophy with my “how the fuck can you think that way” heart-speak, is a tough row to hoe.

I pride myself on being open-minded and respectful to the beliefs of others. And, although I may not understand or agree with it, it’s hard to argue when someone doesn’t want to pay higher taxes, to help those who have less. It’s their money and their prerogative, like it or not.

But, this maturity of mine goes to shit the moment I hear someone say they’re opposed to gay marriage. I turn into a know-it-all and a martyr, and the ranting begins.

Sadly, this nation’s political climate has become so divisive that it’s become difficult to see people as individuals. Everyone is lumped together on one side or the other…with the Ron Paul’ers somewhere on their own planet.

I shamefully admit to judging someone when I see Republican or I love Jesus on their Facebook profile. I automatically assume they’re against equal rights, or healthcare, or letting women make decisions for themselves.

I also sometimes assume they shout things like, Barack HUSSEIN Obama, and SHOW ME YOUR BIRTH CERTIFICATE YOU DAMN KENYAN! (This is the shit I have no problem judging because, come on, really? Really? Give me an intelligent argument and then we can talk.)

Anyway, I recently had a conversation with a friend, one who considers herself to be more right than left. But, in this current climate, she feels alienated by the extremists and, in turn, has become politically apathetic.

“I just don’t vote at all anymore, because I can’t handle the gay marriage debate. I DON’T CARE WHO SOMEONE ELSE MARRIES!”

This is where I get really confused. Because, based on my understanding of the Republican Party, my assumption would be that every conservative would think this way. Because, hello, less government. But, sadly, it seems much of the party, or maybe just the loud ones, have instead gone the way of: less government *gays-and-women-do-not-apply.

I always fail to read the god damn fine print.

Every time I browse the headlines, I see hateful rhetoric coming from the opposing team. Sadly, I’ve been brainwashed over time, much like those that spew this hate, into thinking that all Republicans feel this way.

But, after having a few conversations with conservative friends and family, who aren’t against gay marriage (my mom included), I realized I was being an ass by measuring someone up solely by which party they identify with.

Which is the same as people assuming that I love all things Democrat. Because, if they bothered to ask, they’d discover I’m the wife of someone who works in the Finance and Energy Industry, and that I was less than keen on the whole Occupy Wall Street movement.

I always shout that people need to think for themselves, yet I was failing to do the same.

So, rather than holding onto my assumptions, and standing with my arms crossed in my we are the world except for you asshole corner, I decided it would be more productive, and adult(ish), to actually engage the others, and ask them questions.

(trying to prove a point here.) How many of you call yourself a Republican and are NOT against gay marriage? (I say there are a lot)

— Allison Zapata (@allisonzapata) July 6, 2012

And BOY how they answered.

And, then my head exploded from the confusion, and my heart burst from the relief.

Because, it turns out? Not all Republicans are dicks about equal rights…

“I’m on the republican/libertarian border and am NOT against gay marriage.”

“Weighing in late, but I lean republican, as does most of my family, and we all support gay marriage. Old and young. Unfortunately, it’s the vocal minority that gets all the attention. And the other 95% of us get a bad rap because of it.”

“My parents are DIEHARD republicans & very catholic. And they are NOT against gay marriage. My Dem in-laws? Are against it.”

“Most – if not all – of the Republicans I know support gay marriage. They are all 40 or under. I think that’s the key fact.”

“Is this the same as Catholics being OK with gay marriage? Like not everything applies?”

“If I have to choose one of the two parties, I’m a republican. I’m completely FOR gay marriage. I’m also pro-choice. My parents and hubby feel the same way too — all registered Republicans.”

“I’m a libertarian, but I’m conservative and can’t love gay marriage more.”

“Um, me. But people say that makes me NOT a “true” Republican. (whatever that means)”

“I’m repub and support gay marriage ”

“I’m libertarian (but vote republican BC I don’t want to waste my vote) and I’m for gay marriage!”

“I’m all for two hot chicks filing a joint tax return.”

“I’m republican and I fully support gay marriage. Heterosexual marriage, not so much.”

“I’m for love… And whom ever shares it. LGBT.”

“I’m republican, live in Massachusetts and don’t really care who gets married.”

“I’m pretty republican. And I’m just fine with gay marriage. I think conservative political views and conservative religious views typically go hand in hand in the media. Republican is a political affiliation, conservative is a way of thinking. I am in no way a conservative religious person but my fiscal and political views are more conservative than not.”

“I’m an independent and absolutely for gay marriage. I’m convinced that in 50 years we’ll look back on this time as we now do interracial marriage when it was banned. I’ve yet to see an argument against gay marriage that’s not based in religion, and that really crisps my cookies. Religion has no place in our government, and I don’t think gay marriage should even be up for a vote: it’s a civil rights issue.”

“Fiscal conservative, social libertarian – love and let love, baby. The fringes on both sides fill the airwaves, but I’m guessing most Americans really don’t care.”

“I was a republican, but I lost faith in both parties. I am fiscally conservative, socially liberal. 100% support gay marriage. I don’t even understand why it’s a question. And my name is Gary VanDerMolen. I have no problem standing with the LGBT community for equal rights.”

“I’m a conservative not against gay marriage. My take – how can we force our beliefs on those who don’t believe the same? I should also add that I am an evangelical Christian that really doesn’t understand the church’s stance on this topic. -) my thought is that IF being gay is a sin, it’s still not a belief that can be forced on those who don’t believe that way.”

Sidenote: I took things a step further, like I usually do, asking…

Great answers. Now, any republican followers against gay marriage? And can explain why without referencing the bible? If ur ballsy, tell me!

— Allison Zapata (@allisonzapata) July 7, 2012

And, not surprisingly, the only thing I received in return was…

*CRICKETS*

Either because no one had an answer that wasn’t based on religion, or because they knew there was a good chance I’d kick them in the balls.

And, while I’m absolutely thrilled by the overwhelming number of answers I received from pro-equal rights Republicans, I’m still left wondering one thing.

How can one cast a vote for a person that doesn’t believe in something as important as equal rights for all?

Why aren’t the thousands of good guys not speaking up and shouting that this hateful rhetoric and discrimination is unacceptable?

If it’s true that people really do have the power to make a difference, then why aren’t more of them standing in unison against the loud minorities, and yelling, “YOU DO NOT REPRESENT US!”

Because that would be the kind of right I could get behind.

I went on vacation this past weekend.

Rosemary Beach, Florida, to be exact.

My cousin has a house there.

It’s wonderful.

It rained off and on during our entire stay.

It was still wonderful!

We left poor Leo back in Houston. It’s easier, considering he’s still somewhat at the the I don’t know what the fuck is going on age.

Besides, we took Luca when he was Leo’s age, and he hated it…everything about it.

He hated the sand.

He hated the ocean.

He hated the men in Speedos.

(It’s possible I was projecting with the last one.)

Anyway, enough making myself feel better about ditching the baby and loving it, I’ll continue.

I had some serious doubts, in the days leading up to our trip, about how Luca would do on the plane. He’s sensitive to all things (which I LOVE), and, ugh, sadly enough, it never even crossed my mind that he wouldn’t completely hate it.

Way to believe in your kid, Allison.

But, the thought of Kim Jong…on a plane?

Someone hold me.

Okay, let go. Seriously. You’re grossing me out now.

So, after spending way too much money on a giant airplane bag 0′ tricks, and giving myself an ulcer from the anticipation, he ended up loving it.

Obviously.

Every single moment of it was pure bliss to him. From security, to take off, to landing…and the shitty apple juice they served him in between.

The ride was a turbulent one. So much so, that my frequent flier husband became queasy. I smiled on the outside through the non-stop bumping and shaking, and screamed at the top of my lungs on the inside.

Thank God for xanax.

Luca, on the other hand, thought playing bumper cars with the clouds was the best thing ever.

“Wheeeeeeeeeeee!” he shouted each time the plane felt like it was going to be torn apart, and ripped from the sky.

Thankfully, that was just my crazy talking again, and we arrived in the Sunshine State safely.

This was the sunshine state.

We were there with another couple, Glen and Steve (who bumped a couple of folks off my top 10 favorite people list), and their little boy. They have two more kids at home, but ditched them, the same way we ditched Leo.

All the kids had a blast together.

And the grown-ups, if I can call myself that, had an even drunker bigger blast.

The sun peaked out a few times a day, and we took full advantage.

There were some beautiful father-son moments.

Like, when my husband taught Luca how to ride a bike for the first time, with a broken chain. And the time he sent him barreling down a hill on a plasma car at full speed, head-on into a flower pot five times his size.

One thought that continuously crossed my mind while I was there, was that I wish all the anti-gay marriage morons could spend a weekend with this beautiful family.

Because, being around that kind of love, and seeing that they are no different than what some consider a traditional family? It’d pretty much be impossible to hold on to that kind of hate.

I’ve always taught Luca that families come in all different shapes and sizes. So, to him, being around a buddy who has two dads is as normal as being around a buddy who has a mom and a dad.

Because it is normal.

I’ve said it before, and *spoiler alert* I’ll say it again.

The only abnormal or unnatural thing about the gay marriage equation are the people who are against it. And, I’d almost feel sorry for them, with their small minds and tiny hearts (what a sad little world to live in), but their hatred and discrimination makes even an ounce of compassion impossible for me to feel.

The desire to kick them in the nuts comes much easier.

This vacation was the most carefree one I’ve had in a long time.

So much fun!

And, whaddya know, it taught me a few things, as well.

Like, I really need to have more faith and confidence in my kid, and go into each situation with a clean slate, not one based on any prior incidents.

I mean, if we were all judged by our past behavior, no one with stairs would ever even think of offering me a drink.

And…

Hate and discrimination are not innate characteristics. We are not born with them, they are learned.

My child, all of four years old, is wiser than most adults I know.

He doesn’t see a man with a women, a woman with a woman, or a man with a man, when he’s around other families. He sees love where there’s love, and feels goodness where there’s goodness.

Period.

I second guess my parenting at least four times a day.

Am I feeding them too much junk food?

Are they watching too much TV?

Do I yell too much?

Am I too impatient with them?

But, you know something?

When it comes down to the important things, the things that truly matter, I am so fucking proud of myself for teaching my boys what’s right.

Because, in the grand scheme of things, this is where it’s at, my friends.

Happy hump-day!

Thanks for stopping by!

xo

Oh, internet.

YOU.

You’ve given me many things I don’t know how I lived without for so long.

Including fun, support, weirdness, a new job, passion, the giggles, the sads, so many really great friends, and a hell of a lot else.

To you, I am grateful for a whole new world.

And, though I’ll never be able to quit you, there are some things that you’ve given me that I would totally re-gift.

Or stomp up and down on, and then light on fire.

BECAUSE OH THE JUDGEMENT!

It has got to stop.

And, yet, HA!

Obviously, it won’t.

I just…just cannot understand, for the life of me, why so many make something out of nothing at all…about everything.

Which? By the way, is so much worse than making love out of nothing at all.

And I know just where to touch you…
And I know just what to prove.
I know when to pull you closer…
And I know when to let you loose.

(I cry every god damn time with that song.)

Anyway…

I don’t give a shit what you do with your life, as long as it’s not mean-spirited, and doesn’t hurt anyone else.

FOR EXAMPLE (obviously)….

The way other people parent their kids.

First off, and I’ll say this as nicely as possible, but that’s some nerve people have, thinking that sort of thing is any of their fucking business.

Now, personally, maybe miraculously, I’ve pretty much avoided any direct condemnation or judgement in regards to my parenting skills, though I’m sure things have been said behind my back (and to them, I offer a flick on the tip of their nose…if I can reach it).

Miraculous, indeed, that I’ve yet to experience the wrath of the know-it-alls, considering I’m a somewhat vocal about the 400 hours of television my kids watch. Or, the fact that I chose not to breastfeed my children and have the nerve to say that, in my case, breast was not best.

Though I’ve escaped it, I have witnessed the bullying (because, let’s be honest, that’s what it is) of many others for how they choose to raise their kids.

And, my god, if anything gets my 100% cotton, on-clearance, Target granny panties in a motherfucking bunch…it’s shit like that.

I don’t care if you nurse your toddler until his graduate program, let your kids cry it out, or co-sleep until they are driving.

Because as long as they are loved, and they know it, guess what?

BRAVO TO YOU!

We are all just trying to get through our days the best we know how.

And, really, if you have the time to chastise other people for their parenting choices, then maybe, possibly, you are neglecting yours so….na-na na-na boo-boo.

Also…

I don’t care what you read.

Lately, I’ve seen more than one rant about people reading 50 Shades of Grey.

And, while I respect peoples choice not to like it, I don’t respect it when they belittle someone for liking it.

I wasn’t crazy about it. I bought it and never finished it, only making it through the first half (skipping ahead to certain pages, of course), but I never picked it back up. Which, has more to do with the fact that my attention span is that of a June Bug, than anything else, I suppose.

The number one criticism is that the writing blows.

People are AGHAST!

Look, if it doesn’t float you boat or tickle your brain where it wants to be tickled, fine, whatever, no big deal! But, not everyone wants to read The History of the World, Parts I and II, when they get thirty minutes to unwind. Sometimes people, like me, want to turn their brains off and just…chill the fuck out.

When I read US Weekly or People, I know it’s not the most eloquent of publications, but that’s the point. My brain is tired of functioning at a high(ish) capacity all day long, so sometimes I like reading how Angelina Jolie is just like me and omg she even swipes her own Black American Express card through the swipe thingie at the store and shit sometimes.

Others have decided that all 50 Shades readers must have a dried up…umm…sex life.

And to this I say, or maybe some people just like to read and watch stuff about sex….because they LIKE TO READ AND WATCH STUFF ABOUT SEX.

Because we are human beings.

I can remember, when I was a young, setting the channel back button to quickly return to Nickelodeon…while I was watching Real Sex…in case my mom walked in.

The sex? We are wired to like it.

A lovely friend on Twitter said something I loved…paraphrasing here… “There is nothing feminist about bashing what another women kinks on.”

CO-SIGNED.

This shouting to the ground at everyone from a top our high horses is so mysterious to me, and so god damn negative! Gross.

Sigh. I could go on, because there are a million more it’s none of your fucking business discussions (hello, gay marriage!), both serious (like parenting choices), and trivial (like the 50 shades shit-show),

But, I’ll just end with this:

It’s so totally awesome, and valuable, to have an opinion (and discuss it with others)!

It’s so totally not awesome, and invaluable, to piss all over the opinions of others simply because their way doesn’t work for you.

Now, I’ll go ahead and climb down from my own very pretty high horse…

Thanks for stopping by…

xo

First off, let me make it really clear that this is not a post about bashing people who believe differently than I do. While it’s true, I have very strong opinions on politics, and everything else, this is absolutely not the space for them.

Plus, I love it that we all have such different views on things.

Diversity is rad, and I embrace it.

(The judgment, I can do without.)

I have friends who are Republican, Democrat, Independent, and friends who don’t care about anything other than the legalization of marijuana and Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.

Different strokes for different folks and, as long as you don’t try and shove your opinions down the throats of others, it’s all good.

I mean, you and I may have different views on how the economy should be handled, but I welcome it.

I’m all for intelligent discourse.

Besides, I’m more of a social issues girl, anyway. Numbers make me all dizzy and nauseous, and sometimes itchy.

But (oh, stop, you knew it was coming), the moment someone attempts to support their logic with hate (homophobia, racism), religion (the kind that makes them intolerant to other beliefs), or erroneous information, all I hear is blah blah blah.

And, if you attempt to shove your dogmatic views down my throat when I’ve never even asked your opinion?

My head might explode.

It’s rude and much too personal.

Sometimes when this happens, I’m simply no longer interested in engaging. Other times, steam begins to shoot out my ears, my head spins around, and I can do nothing but engage.

Keeping my mouth shut is, admittedly, a big fault of mine. But, there is one thing you can count on. I would NEVER send someone an unsolicited email shouting my beliefs at them, while telling them their own are wrong.

And this, my friends, is how we got to right now.

There are people who insist on sending me political and religious emails, most of which can be disproven with a thirty second Google search. You know the ones, they exist on both ends of the political spectrum, and almost always consist of bogus information and scare tactics.

It began months ago.

The first few times it happened, I politely asked to be removed from the list.

Nothing.

So, then I resorted to the trusty Reply All —> send a Snopes Link move, hoping I’d just annoy myself right off the list.

Again, nothing. They kept coming.

Then I began to get angry.

Angry at my Gmail filter for ignoring me when I shouted that these emails were junk. And pissed off at these people for being so incredibly rude.

I think it was the one that read, “Watch this video of our UGLY First Lady. God Bless,” that sent me over the edge.

Sorry, but I highly doubt God would bless that kind of shit.

Sidenote: I let a lot of dumb emails slide.

Like, those that claim you must forward to twenty people by four o’clock, or you will turn into Teen Wolf at midnight and burn in the fiery embers of hell for all of eternity.

Dumb? For sure.

But, I get that these people are superstitious. And probably really old. And since they’re not mean-spirited,  I click delete and move on.

And I may have let these emails slide, too, but they were mean spirited.

Built with hateful rhetoric.

And when it comes to that kind of talk, the dude does not abide.

So, I did what I do best and ran my mouth. I’m not exactly sure if my goal was to change their minds or piss them off.

Probably a little of both.

Below is the actual transcript, copied and pasted, of this exchange (leaving out the repetitive ones). All names have been replaced (except mine) with Muppet characters, to protect the outraged.

Because Muppets make everything more fun!

Ain’t no party like a Muppet party cause a Muppet party don’t stoooooop!

(Sorry.)

And, also, because I’m not that big of a dick.

Think of this as a sort of Public Service Announcement, if you will, on what happens when you send these types of emails.

Everyone gets all huffy and puffy and bent out of shape. And no one can even see or hear anyone else, from so high up on their horse. In the end, everyone ends up taking their ball and walking away, leaving with the exact same opinions and convictions that they started with.

It’s a lose-lose situation, for sure.

So, unless you’re sure someone feels the same way you do, please refrain from adding them to your ranty, opinionated, personal emails.

Because, mark my words, it will always turn into a shit-show.

Much like the one below.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Hilda:

Catholic Election AD to air soon!

WHOA!! You have GOT TO SEE this 3-minute ad……….and pass it along to everyone you know!!   (It’s actually just over 2 minutes and then there are credits…..)

THE MOST IMPORTANT ELECTION IN AMERICAN HISTORY IS COMING UP. THIS IS TRULY A DECISIONAL ELECTION FOR OUR COUNTRY. EITHER WE RETURN TO THE VALUES AND FREEDOMS GIVEN TO US BY GOD AND BRING GOD BACK OR WE HAND OVER OUR RIGHTS AND FREEDOMS TO LEAD US INTO ANOTHER COMMUNIST NATION, WITHOUT GOD, WITHOUT RELIGION, ONE WORLD GOVERNMENT AND ONE WORLD CURRENCY.

You know, as mulch fun as Mulch-Gate was, it just didn’t smell quite…dead enough.

I’ve always had it in the back of my head that this could happen.

Since we bought this place, we’ve had critters taking up refuge under our house. The first time I realized we weren’t alone was when my dogs started barking at the tub. I initially chalked it up to them having some sort of bad acid flashback, but then I heard it, too. And, since I knew the mushrooms on the pizza I’d just eaten were not of the funny variety, I stopped brushing off my dogs as druggies, and started paying closer attention.

And I finally said what I’d always really known out loud. Because that’s the only way to make something true.

And coexisting did work well, for about six years.

So, I found a dead animal removal company and they sent someone out.

Carcass dude is coming back today, with heavy duty wall sawing tools, to try again.

This stinks in so many ways.

I almost wish it was an actual dead body under there. I mean, then the police would have to find and remove it, right? But, that would be totally sad because it would be an actual person, who doesn’t sleep in their own feces, have 9,000 fleas, and eat rats for dinner. Also because that would probably mean my husband is a serial killer and that I’d been wrong once again in thinking I’d finally adjusted my I only attract assholes radar.

Anyway, after lots of searching, it appears coffee grounds are like magic against the smell of death (totally not a coincidence that Dexter likes his coffee black). So, I laid out bowls of it in the bathroom and surrounding rooms. And, while it has a helped a little, my house now smells like a murder scene at Starbucks.

And, really, not even. Since it’s really cheap coffee, it’s probably more like a murder scene at, like, a Valero or 7-11.

The only positive, is that we were already planning on renovating that bathroom. So, me buying a sledge hammer and cracking the tub in half wouldn’t be that big of a deal.

Finally, what the fuck karma? All I do is rescue animals. And this is how you repay me?

WITH A ROTTING ANIMAL CARCASS?

Like, my friend on Twitter said this morning….

Seriously….

Either God is punishing me because I support gay marriage, or because of that one time during Spring Break that involved my toes and a gorilla suit.

But, really, I think it’s just that Karma really is a bitch.

* * *

UPDATE: My amazing everything-man, Don, came over and sawed a hole in the cabinet. And sure enough, it was right where I said it would be.

A sweet, and very dead, baby raccoon! It’s mama must have been hurt and not come back. POOR THING. So sad.

So stinky.

The next order of business is closing off my crawl space.

Carcass-Gate Two is not happening on my watch.

Oh, and I took a picture.

Obviously.

I’m going to post it beneath this cute one that reminds me of Carcass-Gate, to give my squeamish readers time to click out.

Awwwww…

Ewwwww…

Back in 2009, I bought Luca this shirt.

I had hoped that by the time Leo could wear it, it would no longer be something that needed to be said. I mean, what decade are we in again? But, people continue to be ignorant haters.

So, now Leo is all up in arms, too.

This goes out to you One Million Moms. Teaching your kids hate and intolerance is just so Christian isn’t it?  Sigh. Get a life, One Million Moms. Or rather, A Few Hundred Assholes.