But, I have one in particular I’d like to share with you.
Because he is my friend.
And his name is Blaine.
He is intelligent, funny, witty, compassionate, and loving.
And he’s really hot.
He is an upstanding, and outstanding, person, who contributes to this society in the same ways you and I do. The only problem is that some of society doesn’t believe he’s entitled to the same rights that you and I have.
This is not the America I want to live in, nor one that I’m proud of.
Sure, there are many, many wonderful things that I love about this great nation of ours, but, sadly, thisbigotry negates so much of that for me.
I know things are changing.
I know that bigots are a dying breed….I just wish that would happen more quickly.
Anyone that can say Land of The Free with a straight face…well…I just don’t know about you.
But, as for me, I will not shut up until my friends, and all Americans, have the same rights as I do.
If you really love this country and all that it stands for, you shouldn’t either.
If anyone else has something they’d like to say, shoot me a link, or your words, and I’ll put them here.
I promised myself that this time around, that during this election season, I would stay quiet.
I wouldn’t post political statuses.
I wouldn’t recommend any political articles on Facebook.
Of course, I would allow myself to “like” them. Because “liking” something on Facebook is the ultimate form of passive-aggressiveness…
Oh, I’m sorry that you saw that I liked the fact that this guy said you were an idiot. I didn’t realize that was going to be on my timeline. I certainly wasn’t intentionally throwing my opinion in your face. Even if I am right.
Unfortunately, I’ve not gone as politically incognito as I’d planned.
What’s that saying?
Never discuss religion or politics?
Admittedly, and this is not breaking news, I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut when it comes to all of the things. Especially, the things I believe strongly in, the things that really matter to me.
But, I do often regret posting links to political articles. Not because I don’t agree with them, but because I don’t want to be lumped in with the drinking the Kool-Aid crowd.
A crowd that I absolutely think exists…on both sides.
You know, the sheep.
But, me? I think and decide for myself.
I don’t watch MSNBC or Fox News, because I know what their aim is: to make money off of manipulating and igniting people’s feelings and vulnerabilities.
In my opinion, these networks have found their niche and are nothing more than blatant propaganda.
Now, if we could jump in my super-cool time machine and visit the eight year old me, you’d find I haven’t changed much at all.
I’m still an overly-sensitive, overly-emotional, bleeding heart, who wants to rescue everything and everyone.
The only difference now, is that I’m not as afraid of voicing my beliefs. I care much less about offending someone. And, I say fuck…a lot.
Yes, if one had to predict back then which political party eight year old Allison would be affiliated with as an adult, the left would have won in a landslide.
I’ve heard it all before.
The bleeding heart liberal comments, meant to be taken as a negative putdown and terrible criticism. They always make me chuckle a little…someone slamming me for wanting to do good by others, human or animal.
How dare I care!
But, rather than trying to eloquently explain how I arrived here, and what’s formed my opinions, I childishly fight back with insults of my own.
Never taking the time to ask others what has led to their beliefs, but desperately wanting them to know what’s led mine.
I was raised in a very conservative household. Most of my eldest family members are die-hard Republicans, of the Fox News variety.
And, I had, what some would say, a privileged upbringing; never wanting for much.
I’m the opposite of a minority.
I am white, straight, and financially comfortable.
I am the poster child for Republicans.
And, yet, I’m a bleeding heart liberal…the black-sheep of the family.
Much of this is surely due to those innate personality traits that I have no control over.
I cry when I see a slug in pain. I cry about most everything. I internalize the pain of other beings. I always have. Am I too sensitive and completely irrational? Sometimes. But, I wouldn’t trade it. It has allowed me to connect with people and animals in a way, and on a level, that I don’t think I could have otherwise.
I cherish that.
However, there are certainly external experiences that have solidified my liberal leanings, and made them stronger. As is the case for everyone, right or left.
For one, there are people I love, who have been unable to survive on their own. But, luckily, they’ve been given everything, lifted up, and supported in their time of need by people who love them.
So, I often wonder what would happen if she didn’t have family to support her? What if she didn’t have anyone to help her with food, and shelter, and medical expenses?
Would other people help her? Would there be a safety net in place for her?
Or, would she be homeless, starving on a street corner, or under a bridge somewhere?
If she didn’t have us, would I want her living in a society where it’s every man for himself?
The thought of someone I love not being lent a helping hand in their time of need? The thought of them being told to fend for themselves? The thought of them being forgotten and swept aside?
It terrifies me.
Because, the cold hard truth is that, the only reason she is alive today is because she does have a family who loves her and, more importantly, one who has the resources to help her.
But, how many people just as worthy as she is don’t have a family who is willing and able to support them?
Are their lives not worth as much because they aren’t as lucky?
I want to live in a country that helps those who have no place else to turn.
A country full of people who, when they see a homeless guy, or mentally ill person, or a drug addict, ask themselves, “What if that were my family member, or someone that I love? Wouldn’t I want someone to help them, if I wasn’t around, or able, to do so?”
Rather than in a country where people’s brothers, sisters, cousins, friends, and loved ones, are labeled as moochers and freeloaders, because they’ve been unable to make it on their own because of fill in the blank.
Becoming a parent has also proven to strengthen my beliefs.
I often hear people say they are voting for the right because of “family values.”
But, here’s the thing, family values are subjective.
They are not one size fits all.
And, I too, am voting for the left because of family values.
My family values.
When I take a step back and look at both candidates, I wonder if either one of them will really be any different once elected.
My guess? Not so much.
For two reasons:
Once elected both will inevitably gravitate closer to the center, and not act on half of those things that outrage one side and appease the other.
And, as for our current economic state, barring any drastic measures, I don’t believe the President has much influence over it. It’s cyclical, and is going to even out on it’s own, and in it’s own time.
To me, who we elect is much more about the message that it sends, and the tone that is sets, than anything else.
Which brings me back around to family values, and the kind of message I want my boys being exposed to, and the kind of people I want as their role models.
(And, no I’m not talking about every Republican that exists, I know plenty that also don’t drink the Kool-Aid, I’m just talking about the overall message of the party right now.)
When I hear The Right propose a ban on gay marriage, to me, it’s synonymous with bullying. It sends a message that it’s okay to discriminate against someone who is different than you, as long as you’re in the majority. To me, it’s no different than a a group of kids singling out someone who is different than them, punching them in the gut, taking their lunch money, and banishing them to sit alone at a separate table in the school cafeteria.
Ditto on religious intolerance.
What if one of my children is gay? Or a practicing Muslim? Imagine one day discovering that your own mother voted for someone who thinks you are less than?
When I hear a bunch of old, white men, attempting to make decisions for women, to me, it’s no different than if I were to teach my boys that it’s acceptable to try to control and disrespect their female counterparts.
When I hear people shout that we should be an every man for himself society, to me, it’s the same as raising my children not to stick up for people, and to not practice empathy and compassion.
I simply refuse to teach my kids that it’s acceptable to discriminate, bully, and fail to stick up for others, no matter how much power, influence, or privilege they may have.
So, you see, these are my family values, and why I vote the way I vote.
Kool-Aid hasn’t a damn thing to do with it.
And, no matter the outcome of this election, I will continue teaching my boys what I think is right and wrong.
Just as I will continue to kick and scream and voice my beliefs, and probably call people assholes and bigots along the way, no matter how much I try to restrain myself.
Because, when it comes down to it, my family values are just as valuable as yours.
Update: Tomorrow is Spirit Day. So, slip on your purple and proudly stand by your LGBT loved ones, as you stand up against bullying!
Last night, while I was fake-sleeping next to Kim Jong, I came across THIS NUGGETon my iPhone.
The gist of the article, entitled, “Kirk Cameron: Calling Gays ‘Destructive And Unnatural’ Is Love Speech,” goes a little something like this:
“Cameron says when you persecute gays you “speak the truth in love.
‘The truth is always love speech, it’s not hate speech. The truth, communicated with compassion, with the desire to see people in a right relationship with God, helped, and healed, and whole, is the most genuine form of love speech you can give to anyone.’”
It took all I had not to nudge my kid from is own fake-sleep and say, “Can you believe this asshole!”
But, rather than exposing my sweet boy to the real boogie men of the world, I took my rage to the internet.
Thankfully, my dear friends who live in my computer were just as disgusted by the has-been’s tired and bigoted remarks.
Here’s the thing.
There are so many people who spew this brand of hateful rhetoric, and, “Oh so controversiallook at me! Look at me!” bullshit.
But, most of the time, I don’t believe that they even believe the things they’re saying. But, sadly, dollar signs can turn a lot of people into dicks.
I think he truly believes the things he says.
I’d put money on the fact that he’s just as bat shit crazy as he comes off.
The article goes on to say,
“For the record, Cameron calls homosexuality a “behavior,” and says “just because you feel one way doesn’t mean we should act on everything we feel.
‘Marriage is almost as old as dirt, and it was defined in the garden between Adam and Eve,” Cameron also told Piers Morgan. “One man, one woman for life till death do you part. So I would never attempt to try to redefine marriage. And I don’t think anyone else should either. So do I support the idea of gay marriage? No, I don’t.’”
Oh, golly gee Kirk, you’re so fucking insightful.
And, by insightful, I mean you’re a loose cannon, a bigoted asshole, and a danger to our society.
When, in reality people like you are the only abnormal ones.
When kids hear someone tell them that they should be ashamed of who they are, and that they shouldn’t be who they are, they believe it.
They are far too young to know that you’re really just a weak, little man who despises himself.
Every time a gay teenager or child commits suicide, it’s because of people like YOU.
Yeah, I said it.
Mike Seaver is killing gay people.
Their blood is on his hands.
And Kirk-the-Jerk has SIX CHILDREN.
Six kids who are exposed to this kind of hate speech, daily.
Six kids who will likely go to school and bully other kids, because of what they’re learning at home – that it’s acceptable to do so.
And, what if one of his kids is gay?
Ugh. The thought of that makes my stomach turn. A child living in a house where they cannot be themselves. Coming home each day to a place that should be their safe zone, a place where they should be supported and loved no matter who they are. But, instead, they come home to a place where they feel nothing other than shame, fear, and self-loathing.
Kirk, I don’t give a shit what your bible says.
I don’t care what your god says.
You have the right to believe what you choose to believe.
But, you do not have the right to project your hateful, antiquated, despicable bullshit on the rest of society, simply because you’re a washed up actor trying to stay relevant.
You are irrelevant.
You are toxic.
You are a fear-monger.
You are a bully.
You are a fake Christian.
You cannot fool me with your sweet, little, curly head of hair, and shit-bag grin.
You’re no different than some skin-head, white supremacist asshole. You’re the boogie man in disguise, hiding behind some fucked up version of religion.
You are hate.
The only unnatural people are those they care about some random dude’s sexual preference.
For Christ’s sake, you had a friend named Boner for years.
But, fortunately, you are the minority, the outcast, and the sinner.
Each time I hear people like you open their disgusting mouths, my head explodes.
But, then, I put something like this out, and all the goodness and decency returned allows my soul to smile again.
You are a dying breed, Mike Seaver.
I thank GOD for that.
And, with all due respect, please shut the fuck up.
The only childhood memory I have of politics is sitting around the television with my family, waiting to find out if Reagan had been reelected.
And, boy, how I wanted him to win.
Because, my mom did, so, of course.
I was eight and had yet to discover the concept of free thinking. And, I was pretty sure it was illegal to think differently than your parents.
It wasn’t until I began approaching the legal voting age, that I realized I could have my own opinions on all of the things.
The freedom to think for myself was so….freeing.
As I began to understand political parties, and all they represent, it dawned on me that I wasn’t a die-hard Republican, like most of my family. In fact, my bleeding heart and desire to save the world, placed me on the exact opposite end of the political spectrum of bullshit.
I remember the day I came out to my mom. We were standing on opposite sides of an Abercrombie and Fitch t-shirt display, and I shouted over the blaring music, “I DIDN’T VOTE FOR BUSH!”
At first, I think my mom thought I’d inhaled too much Abercrombie cologne, but I said it again, and louder this time, with less of a catch in my voice.
I didn’t vote for Bush!
By her reaction, you would have thought I’d just proclaimed my dream to be the first American female suicide bomber.
From then on, my mom and I have had more heated political disputes than I can count. One even ended with me crying tears of world peace, onto my bacon, at a local breakfast diner.
The women in my family are of the dramatic variety, a gene which I definitely inherited.
I also inherited stubbornness, a loud mouth, and way too much passion over things, and people, that I don’t have the power to change.
Now, when it comes to fiscal shit, I don’t dig in too deep. Like I’ve said before, math and numbers make me itchy and nervous and nauseous. I usually only go so far as to say that I think both sides need to bend more and give a little (insert sex joke here). You know, if we could possibly cut spending and raise taxes, maybe we’d all be better off.
But, who the fuck cares about moderation anymore, right? As long as their team is winning.
My true passion lies with social issues.
In a nutshell…
I believe that every child deserves the same education and healthcare that my child is privileged enough to have.
I believe that the poorest of the poor deserve the same access to healthcare that I’m lucky enough to have.
I believe that everyone deserves equal rights when it comes to who they choose to marry.
And, I believe that no one has the right to tell me what to do with my body….my lady-bits in particular.
Contrary to how that last part may sound, I’m far from what you’d call a feminist.
Open the door for me? Help me carry this heavy box? Pay for my dinner? Earn all the money and let me stay home and fuck around online? SIGN ME UP! Just don’t tell me what to do with my vagina.
Seriously, though, these are things I’m inflexible on; and things I’d be happy to pay extra taxes for, because I know that the situation we’re all born into is merely a big, fucking, crap-shoot. Some of us are members of the lucky sperm club, but so many are not. I could have just as easily been born into nothing…and have nothing….but, I’m one of the lucky ones, the privileged, as they say.
And, it’s because of my strong beliefs on these issues, that I could never bring myself to cast a vote for a Republican. Well, at least not the latest breed of them, anyway.
This is where things get tricky for me. Trying to reconcile my strong “to each his own” philosophy with my “how the fuck can you think that way” heart-speak, is a tough row to hoe.
I pride myself on being open-minded and respectful to the beliefs of others. And, although I may not understand or agree with it, it’s hard to argue when someone doesn’t want to pay higher taxes, to help those who have less. It’s their money and their prerogative, like it or not.
But, this maturity of mine goes to shit the moment I hear someone say they’re opposed to gay marriage. I turn into a know-it-all and a martyr, and the ranting begins.
Sadly, this nation’s political climate has become so divisive that it’s become difficult to see people as individuals. Everyone is lumped together on one side or the other…with the Ron Paul’ers somewhere on their own planet.
I shamefully admit to judging someone when I see Republican or I love Jesus on their Facebook profile. I automatically assume they’re against equal rights, or healthcare, or letting women make decisions for themselves.
I also sometimes assume they shout things like, Barack HUSSEIN Obama, and SHOW ME YOUR BIRTH CERTIFICATE YOU DAMN KENYAN! (This is the shit I have no problem judging because, come on, really? Really? Give me an intelligent argument and then we can talk.)
Anyway, I recently had a conversation with a friend, one who considers herself to be more right than left. But, in this current climate, she feels alienated by the extremists and, in turn, has become politically apathetic.
“I just don’t vote at all anymore, because I can’t handle the gay marriage debate. I DON’T CARE WHO SOMEONE ELSE MARRIES!”
This is where I get really confused. Because, based on my understanding of the Republican Party, my assumption would be that every conservative would think this way. Because, hello, less government. But, sadly, it seems much of the party, or maybe just the loud ones, have instead gone the way of: less government *gays-and-women-do-not-apply.
I always fail to read the god damn fine print.
Every time I browse the headlines, I see hateful rhetoric coming from the opposing team. Sadly, I’ve been brainwashed over time, much like those that spew this hate, into thinking that all Republicans feel this way.
But, after having a few conversations with conservative friends and family, who aren’t against gay marriage (my mom included), I realized I was being an ass by measuring someone up solely by which party they identify with.
Which is the same as people assuming that I love all things Democrat. Because, if they bothered to ask, they’d discover I’m the wife of someone who works in the Finance and Energy Industry, and that I was less than keen on the whole Occupy Wall Street movement.
I always shout that people need to think for themselves, yet I was failing to do the same.
So, rather than holding onto my assumptions, and standing with my arms crossed in my we are the world except for you asshole corner, I decided it would be more productive, and adult(ish), to actually engage the others, and ask them questions.
(trying to prove a point here.) How many of you call yourself a Republican and are NOT against gay marriage? (I say there are a lot)
And, then my head exploded from the confusion, and my heart burst from the relief.
Because, it turns out? Not all Republicans are dicks about equal rights…
“I’m on the republican/libertarian border and am NOT against gay marriage.”
“Weighing in late, but I lean republican, as does most of my family, and we all support gay marriage. Old and young. Unfortunately, it’s the vocal minority that gets all the attention. And the other 95% of us get a bad rap because of it.”
“My parents are DIEHARD republicans & very catholic. And they are NOT against gay marriage. My Dem in-laws? Are against it.”
“Most – if not all – of the Republicans I know support gay marriage. They are all 40 or under. I think that’s the key fact.”
“Is this the same as Catholics being OK with gay marriage? Like not everything applies?”
“If I have to choose one of the two parties, I’m a republican. I’m completely FOR gay marriage. I’m also pro-choice. My parents and hubby feel the same way too — all registered Republicans.”
“I’m a libertarian, but I’m conservative and can’t love gay marriage more.”
“Um, me. But people say that makes me NOT a “true” Republican. (whatever that means)”
“I’m repub and support gay marriage ”
“I’m libertarian (but vote republican BC I don’t want to waste my vote) and I’m for gay marriage!”
“I’m all for two hot chicks filing a joint tax return.”
“I’m republican and I fully support gay marriage. Heterosexual marriage, not so much.”
“I’m for love… And whom ever shares it. LGBT.”
“I’m republican, live in Massachusetts and don’t really care who gets married.”
“I’m pretty republican. And I’m just fine with gay marriage. I think conservative political views and conservative religious views typically go hand in hand in the media. Republican is a political affiliation, conservative is a way of thinking. I am in no way a conservative religious person but my fiscal and political views are more conservative than not.”
“I’m an independent and absolutely for gay marriage. I’m convinced that in 50 years we’ll look back on this time as we now do interracial marriage when it was banned. I’ve yet to see an argument against gay marriage that’s not based in religion, and that really crisps my cookies. Religion has no place in our government, and I don’t think gay marriage should even be up for a vote: it’s a civil rights issue.”
“Fiscal conservative, social libertarian – love and let love, baby. The fringes on both sides fill the airwaves, but I’m guessing most Americans really don’t care.”
“I was a republican, but I lost faith in both parties. I am fiscally conservative, socially liberal. 100% support gay marriage. I don’t even understand why it’s a question. And my name is Gary VanDerMolen. I have no problem standing with the LGBT community for equal rights.”
“I’m a conservative not against gay marriage. My take – how can we force our beliefs on those who don’t believe the same? I should also add that I am an evangelical Christian that really doesn’t understand the church’s stance on this topic. -) my thought is that IF being gay is a sin, it’s still not a belief that can be forced on those who don’t believe that way.”
Sidenote: I took things a step further, like I usually do, asking…
Great answers. Now, any republican followers against gay marriage? And can explain why without referencing the bible? If ur ballsy, tell me!
We left poor Leo back in Houston. It’s easier, considering he’s still somewhat at the the I don’t know what the fuck is going on age.
Besides, we took Luca when he was Leo’s age, and he hated it…everything about it.
He hated the sand.
He hated the ocean.
He hated the men in Speedos.
(It’s possible I was projecting with the last one.)
Anyway, enough making myself feel better about ditching the baby and loving it, I’ll continue.
I had some serious doubts, in the days leading up to our trip, about how Luca would do on the plane. He’s sensitive to all things (which I LOVE), and, ugh, sadly enough, it never even crossed my mind that he wouldn’t completely hate it.
Way to believe in your kid, Allison.
But, the thought of Kim Jong…on a plane?
Someone hold me.
Okay, let go. Seriously. You’re grossing me out now.
So, after spending way too much money on a giant airplane bag 0′ tricks, and giving myself an ulcer from the anticipation, he ended up loving it.
Every single moment of it was pure bliss to him. From security, to take off, to landing…and the shitty apple juice they served him in between.
The ride was a turbulent one. So much so, that my frequent flier husband became queasy. I smiled on the outside through the non-stop bumping and shaking, and screamed at the top of my lungs on the inside.
Thank God for xanax.
Luca, on the other hand, thought playing bumper cars with the clouds was the best thing ever.
“Wheeeeeeeeeeee!” he shouted each time the plane felt like it was going to be torn apart, and ripped from the sky.
Thankfully, that was just my crazy talking again, and we arrived in the Sunshine State safely.
This was the sunshine state.
We were there with another couple, Glen and Steve (who bumped a couple of folks off my top 10 favorite people list), and their little boy. They have two more kids at home, but ditched them, the same way we ditched Leo.
All the kids had a blast together.
And the grown-ups, if I can call myself that, had an even drunker bigger blast.
The sun peaked out a few times a day, and we took full advantage.
There were some beautiful father-son moments.
Like, when my husband taught Luca how to ride a bike for the first time, with a broken chain. And the time he sent him barreling down a hill on a plasma car at full speed, head-on into a flower pot five times his size.
One thought that continuously crossed my mind while I was there, was that I wish all the anti-gay marriage morons could spend a weekend with this beautiful family.
Because, being around that kind of love, and seeing that they are no different than what some consider a traditional family? It’d pretty much be impossible to hold on to that kind of hate.
I’ve always taught Luca that families come in all different shapes and sizes. So, to him, being around a buddy who has two dads is as normal as being around a buddy who has a mom and a dad.
Because it is normal.
I’ve said it before, and *spoiler alert* I’ll say it again.
The only abnormal or unnatural thing about the gay marriage equation are the people who are against it. And, I’d almost feel sorry for them, with their small minds and tiny hearts (what a sad little world to live in), but their hatred and discrimination makes even an ounce of compassion impossible for me to feel.
The desire to kick them in the nuts comes much easier.
This vacation was the most carefree one I’ve had in a long time.
So much fun!
And, whaddya know, it taught me a few things, as well.
Like, I really need to have more faith and confidence in my kid, and go into each situation with a clean slate, not one based on any prior incidents.
You’ve given me many things I don’t know how I lived without for so long.
Including fun, support, weirdness, a new job, passion, the giggles, the sads, so many really great friends, and a hell of a lot else.
To you, I am grateful for a whole new world.
And, though I’ll never be able to quit you, there are some things that you’ve given me that I would totally re-gift.
Or stomp up and down on, and then light on fire.
BECAUSE OH THE JUDGEMENT!
It has got to stop.
And, yet, HA!
Obviously, it won’t.
I just…just cannot understand, for the life of me, why so many make something out of nothing at all…about everything.
Which? By the way, is so much worse than making love out of nothing at all.
And I know just where to touch you… And I know just what to prove. I know when to pull you closer… And I know when to let you loose.
(I cry every god damn time with that song.)
I don’t give a shit what you do with your life, as long as it’s not mean-spirited, and doesn’t hurt anyone else.
FOR EXAMPLE (obviously)….
The way other people parent their kids.
First off, and I’ll say this as nicely as possible, but that’s some nerve people have, thinking that sort of thing is any of their fucking business.
Now, personally, maybe miraculously, I’ve pretty much avoided any direct condemnation or judgement in regards to my parenting skills, though I’m sure things have been said behind my back (and to them, I offer a flick on the tip of their nose…if I can reach it).
Miraculous, indeed, that I’ve yet to experience the wrath of the know-it-alls, considering I’m a somewhat vocal about the 400 hours of television my kids watch. Or, the fact that I chose not to breastfeed my children and have the nerve to say that, in my case, breast was not best.
Though I’ve escaped it, I have witnessed the bullying (because, let’s be honest, that’s what it is) of many others for how they choose to raise their kids.
And, my god, if anything gets my 100% cotton, on-clearance, Target granny panties in a motherfucking bunch…it’s shit like that.
I don’t care if you nurse your toddler until his graduate program, let your kids cry it out, or co-sleep until they are driving.
Because as long as they are loved, and they know it, guess what?
BRAVO TO YOU!
We are all just trying to get through our days the best we know how.
And, really, if you have the time to chastise other people for their parenting choices, then maybe, possibly, you are neglecting yours so….na-na na-na boo-boo.
I don’t care what you read.
Lately, I’ve seen more than one rant about people reading 50 Shades of Grey.
And, while I respect peoples choice not to like it, I don’t respect it when they belittle someone for liking it.
I wasn’t crazy about it. I bought it and never finished it, only making it through the first half (skipping ahead to certain pages, of course), but I never picked it back up. Which, has more to do with the fact that my attention span is that of a June Bug, than anything else, I suppose.
The number one criticism is that the writing blows.
People are AGHAST!
Look, if it doesn’t float you boat or tickle your brain where it wants to be tickled, fine, whatever, no big deal! But, not everyone wants to read The History of the World, Parts I and II, when they get thirty minutes to unwind. Sometimes people, like me, want to turn their brains off and just…chill the fuck out.
When I read US Weekly or People, I know it’s not the most eloquent of publications, but that’s the point. My brain is tired of functioning at a high(ish) capacity all day long, so sometimes I like reading how Angelina Jolie is just like me and omg she even swipes her own Black American Express card through the swipe thingie at the store and shit sometimes.
Others have decided that all 50 Shades readers must have a dried up…umm…sex life.
And to this I say, or maybe some people just like to read and watch stuff about sex….because they LIKE TO READ AND WATCH STUFF ABOUT SEX.
Because we are human beings.
I can remember, when I was a young, setting the channel back button to quickly return to Nickelodeon…while I was watching Real Sex…in case my mom walked in.
The sex? We are wired to like it.
A lovely friend on Twitter said something I loved…paraphrasing here… “There is nothing feminist about bashing what another women kinks on.”
This shouting to the ground at everyone from a top our high horses is so mysterious to me, and so god damn negative! Gross.
Sigh. I could go on, because there are a million more it’s none of your fucking business discussions (hello, gay marriage!), both serious (like parenting choices), and trivial (like the 50 shades shit-show),
But, I’ll just end with this:
It’s so totally awesome, and valuable, to have an opinion (and discuss it with others)!
It’s so totally not awesome, and invaluable, to piss all over the opinions of others simply because their way doesn’t work for you.
Now, I’ll go ahead and climb down from my own very pretty high horse…
First off, let me make it really clear that this is not a post about bashing people who believe differently than I do. While it’s true, I have very strong opinions on politics, and everything else, this is absolutely not the space for them.
Plus, I love it that we all have such different views on things.
Diversity is rad, and I embrace it.
(The judgment, I can do without.)
I have friends who are Republican, Democrat, Independent, and friends who don’t care about anything other than the legalization of marijuana and Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.
Different strokes for different folks and, as long as you don’t try and shove your opinions down the throats of others, it’s all good.
I mean, you and I may have different views on how the economy should be handled, but I welcome it.
I’m all for intelligent discourse.
Besides, I’m more of a social issues girl, anyway. Numbers make me all dizzy and nauseous, and sometimes itchy.
But (oh, stop, you knew it was coming), the moment someone attempts to support their logic with hate (homophobia, racism), religion (the kind that makes them intolerant to other beliefs), or erroneous information, all I hear is blah blah blah.
And, if you attempt to shove your dogmatic views down my throat when I’ve never even asked your opinion?
My head might explode.
It’s rude and much too personal.
Sometimes when this happens, I’m simply no longer interested in engaging. Other times, steam begins to shoot out my ears, my head spins around, and I can do nothing but engage.
Keeping my mouth shut is, admittedly, a big fault of mine. But, there is one thing you can count on. I would NEVER send someone an unsolicited email shouting my beliefs at them, while telling them their own are wrong.
And this, my friends, is how we got to right now.
There are people who insist on sending me political and religious emails, most of which can be disproven with a thirty second Google search. You know the ones, they exist on both ends of the political spectrum, and almost always consist of bogus information and scare tactics.
It began months ago.
The first few times it happened, I politely asked to be removed from the list.
So, then I resorted to the trusty Reply All —> send a Snopes Link move, hoping I’d just annoy myself right off the list.
Again, nothing. They kept coming.
Then I began to get angry.
Angry at my Gmail filter for ignoring me when I shouted that these emails were junk. And pissed off at these people for being so incredibly rude.
I think it was the one that read, “Watch this video of our UGLY First Lady. God Bless,” that sent me over the edge.
Sorry, but I highly doubt God would bless that kind of shit.
Sidenote: I let a lot of dumb emails slide.
Like, those that claim you must forward to twenty people by four o’clock, or you will turn into Teen Wolf at midnight and burn in the fiery embers of hell for all of eternity.
Dumb? For sure.
But, I get that these people are superstitious. And probably really old. And since they’re not mean-spirited, I click delete and move on.
And I may have let these emails slide, too, but they were mean spirited.
Built with hateful rhetoric.
And when it comes to that kind of talk, the dude does not abide.
So, I did what I do best and ran my mouth. I’m not exactly sure if my goal was to change their minds or piss them off.
Probably a little of both.
Below is the actual transcript, copied and pasted, of this exchange (leaving out the repetitive ones). All names have been replaced (except mine) with Muppet characters, to protect the outraged.
Because Muppets make everything more fun!
Ain’t no party like a Muppet party cause a Muppet party don’t stoooooop!
And, also, because I’m not that big of a dick.
Think of this as a sort of Public Service Announcement, if you will, on what happens when you send these types of emails.
Everyone gets all huffy and puffy and bent out of shape. And no one can even see or hear anyone else, from so high up on their horse. In the end, everyone ends up taking their ball and walking away, leaving with the exact same opinions and convictions that they started with.
It’s a lose-lose situation, for sure.
So, unless you’re sure someone feels the same way you do, please refrain from adding them to your ranty, opinionated, personal emails.
Because, mark my words, it will always turn into a shit-show.
Much like the one below.
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Catholic Election AD to air soon!
WHOA!! You have GOT TO SEE this 3-minute ad……….and pass it along to everyone you know!! (It’s actually just over 2 minutes and then there are credits…..)
THE MOST IMPORTANT ELECTION IN AMERICAN HISTORY IS COMING UP. THIS IS TRULY A DECISIONAL ELECTION FOR OUR COUNTRY. EITHER WE RETURN TO THE VALUES AND FREEDOMS GIVEN TO US BY GOD AND BRING GOD BACK OR WE HAND OVER OUR RIGHTS AND FREEDOMS TO LEAD US INTO ANOTHER COMMUNIST NATION, WITHOUT GOD, WITHOUT RELIGION, ONE WORLD GOVERNMENT AND ONE WORLD CURRENCY.
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Hmmm…seems to me the other side are more the extremists, trying to take freedom away with all their bullshit birth control talk and misinformed crap on Planned Parenthood. And telling ppl who they can and cannot marry. Hypocrites, much? BARF. Fear-mongering is the only way they can win though.
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I absolutely love this video and I am proud to stand up for Life, Freedom and Marriage Reinforced. I hope each of you will take this to heart and vote your conscience too.
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I agree about voting with your conscience. Which is why I’m voting the way I am. I just don’t think Jesus would judge like this. To each his own. And until I’m removed from this list…don’t expect me to quell my opinions.
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Not only is the man a pathological narcissist but he is a pathological liar and murderer. Obama Voted AGAINST a bill put forth in the Illinois legislature (one of only a few things that he actually did while a state senator) that would have save the life of an attempted abortion if that baby were to be born alive (which has happened in many attempted abortions, after the 6th month mark in the womb, i.e. partial birth abortion) This alone speaks volumes to this man’s belief system, and is enough for me to say no, I do not want you to represent me or my country.
Here is what the man says of himself:
An example of President Obama’s Ego can be found on page 160 of his book entitled The Audacity of Hope. According to President Obama, “I find comfort in the fact that the longer I’m in politics the less nourishing popularity becomes, that a striving for power and rank and fame seems to betray a poverty of ambition, and that I am answerable mainly to the steady gaze of my own conscience.”
Wow, so he is only answerable to himself…where is God in this? Perhaps you should look into Obama’s religion of the last 20 some years. Lest we for get Reverend Jerimiah Wright.
Here are some of his quotes and actions:
April 2008 – Obama speaks disrespectfully of Christians, saying they “cling to guns or religion” and have an “antipathy to people who aren’t like them.”
February 2009 – Obama announces plans to revoke conscience protection for health workers who refuse to participate in medical activities that go against their beliefs, and fully implements the plan in February 2011.
April 2009 – When speaking at Georgetown University, Obama orders that a monogram symbolizing Jesus’ name be covered when he is making his speech.
May 2009 – Obama declines to host services for the National Prayer Day (a day established by federal law) at the White House.
April 2009 – In a deliberate act of disrespect, Obama nominated three pro-abortion ambassadors to the Vatican; of course, the pro-life Vatican rejected all three.
October 19, 2010 – Obama begins deliberately omitting the phrase about “the Creator” when quoting the Declaration of Independence – an omission he has made on no less than seven occasions.
November 2010 – Obama misquotes the National Motto, saying it is “E pluribus unum” rather than “In God We Trust” as established by federal law.
November 2011 – Obama opposes inclusion of President Franklin Roosevelt’s famous D-Day Prayer in the WWII Memorial.
November 2011 – Unlike previous presidents, Obama studiously avoids any religious references in his Thanksgiving speech.
Shall we say he has a high regard for himself and none for those who have gone before him or who have differing opinions? It would be safe to say yes. My problem with Obama and any of the politicians who are running for this high office, is that they have forgotten who they are sworn to represent. He has forgotten that he has sworn before God Almighty and a nation of people to protect and defend the constitution. They have now moved to fulfill their own agendas and movements.
Just look at his friends and those he has placed in high places of leadership. Look at his mentors, George Soros, Saul Alinsky both Marxist. Believe me Obama does not have our best interests at heart he has his own. You do not want this country to become what the elites want it to be a: Marxist-Socialist economy and country.
Seriously, do your homework before you begin to espouse the attributes of someone of Obama’s ilk to the rest of us.
You may vote your conscience that is between you and our Creator. You do not have to spew your disdain to the rest of us who fully believe that our country is in dire straits.
As for you comments directed about our Lord, Here’s what He said about the religious leaders of his day:
Mat 3:7 : But when he saw many of the Pharisees and Sadducees coming for baptism, he said to them, “You brood of vipers, who warned you to flee from the wrath to come?
And here’s what He and the Word (logos) which refers to Jesus in John 1:1 have to say about the sanctity of life:
Luk 18:16 But Jesus called for them, saying, “Permit the children to come to Me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.
Psa 139:13 For You formed myinward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb.
Psa 139:14 I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well.
Psa 139:15 My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;
Psa 139:16 Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them.
Also the women at the well shows us how The Lord treats us. He speaks truth and loves with justice and compassion. He is slow to anger not wanting any to perish.
John 4: 7-30 Read about how the Lord deals with her and tells her to go and sin no more, this is what we all would do well to do.
2Pe 3:9 The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance.
To be quite honest I truly believe our leaders have lost their way, there are no statesmen, we have only career politicians who crave money and power. But to return to another four years of the current administration is to say we no longer want a representative republic. If you were to read all of the Executive Orders that the last 4 presidents have put into place you would be shocked beyond all belief.
The Gospel in a nutshell:
Rom 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Rom 7:4 Therefore, my brethren, you also were made to die to the Law through the body of Christ, so that you might be joined to another, to Him who was raised from the dead, in order that we might bear fruit for God. Because He was raised from the dead we can live. May the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob become real and personal to you.
I appreciate your zeal, I just wish it was in accordance with knowledge.
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Kermit the Frog (here):
With ALL due respect it is my contention that people who send SHIT like THIS around are BEYOND the pale of civil discourse and thus DESERVING of a little scatological admonishment – tit for tat, as it were!
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No one should be beyond the pale of CIVIL DISCOURSE.
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Kermit the Frog (here):
YOU are right! PLEASE change the word to feculence.
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With all respect Kermit the Frog, what was listed by Miss Piggy below are undisputed FACTS not the four letter word you chose to use to describe it. I think you need to apologize to her. Or you can “google” them if you like.
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Kermit the Frog (here):
SORRY Janice! Just CAN’T go along with such cretinous drivel as, “Not only is the man a pathological narcissist but he is a pathological liar and murderer. “ DON’T you people EVER get embarrassed?
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Annie Sue Pig:
Allison, I have no idea who you are, but your emails are extraordinarily rude, and border on delusional. I cannot refrain any longer from pointing out the following:
In reference to your first comments on hypocrisy, I wanted to include your own words here, from your blog–found here:
“So, as we go through our day, let’s all try to be a little nicer and a lot less judgmental about situations we have no knowledge on. It would be a much happier coexistence if we came from a kinder, less harsh, place in our hearts, when we see things we simply cannot understand.”
Right, so how do you reconcile your circular diatribes spewed upon us in light of your own comments on “less harsh” and “a lot less judgmental”? These people here are presenting their beliefs, plain and simple. You ask for “coexistence”, and yet, you do not follow the very prescription you outlay for everyone else. This is hypocrisy.
I will pray for you and Luca.
I will also not be responding to any emails along this thread–enough time and energy has already been expended.
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It seems you have twisted my words a little.
I am not judging you for your beliefs, I am judging you for bashing someone or thinking those who don’t belief as you do are somehow bad.
I am a person that is INTOLERANT of intolerant people. Of people judging other people who believe differently than them. Of saying hateful things about a man, because you think he has a different god than you do. Who judges people so harshly because they are not christian and then has the nerve to say “I’ll pray for you.” Who is so against abortion, but once a child is born, mocks them and calls them lazy for needing assistance. Who values life, yet has no issue with bombing people and children of other countries, “to offer them a nation NOT RULED BY RELIGION.”
I walk through my life as I think Jesus would have. Accepting everyone. Christian, atheist, agnostic, muslim (GASP!), jewish, rich, poor, gay or straight. EVERYONE IS EQUAL. No one deserves LESSER RIGHTS than anyone else.
I teach my children that they are better than no one. That we are all equal. That judging people because they were born differently or believe differently than they do is UNACCEPTABLE. To always have an open mind and be loving. To never PUSH THEIR BELIEFS on other people. I will love them NO MATTER WHAT they decide to believe in or who they want to marry. The only time there will be trouble for them is if they claim to be Christians and then judge people who are not.
Do I judge you because you are Christian? Absolutely not. That is absurd. Does it make me sick to my stomach that you judge people who aren’t? SO MUCH SO.
I would NEVER send an email out to people pushing my agenda. But, why is so wrong that I speak my mind when I am constantly bombarded with UNSOLICITED, hateful, racist, homophobic, judgmental emails, neatly wrapped up with “God bless you.” and “I’ll pray for you.”
Hypocrisy is saying you’re a Christian yet not wanting a man you think doesn’t believe like you do to run our country. Or trying to deny the rights or meddle in the business of other people you don’t even know.
I am so not out of line.
Do I struggle with with my judgement of intolerant people? Every. Single. Day. But, in the end, it’s this kind of intolerance that is KILLING people and this country. Not a lack of Christianity.
I am proud of who I am and of my bleeding heart.
Jesus was not a republican and my guess is he wouldn’t like his message being twisted to fit a political agenda.
You know, as mulch fun as Mulch-Gate was, it just didn’t smell quite…dead enough.
So, the universe was like, “Imma let you finish..crying, but first let me trap a dead animal carcass underneath your bathtub and watch you freak the fuck out.”
Yesterday, I was in ALL CAPS SCREAMING MODE, telling you guys it smelled like someone stashed a body in my crawl space.
“How do you know it’s not sewer pipe?
The people asked me.
And I told the people, “No, I know what death smells like. I’ll never forget it. You know, Nam.”
I’ve always had it in the back of my head that this could happen.
You see, as much as I love old houses, the crawl space is like a haven for junkie raccoons and possums and whatnot. And apparently, since they seek out water sources, they often end up living under bathtubs.
Since we bought this place, we’ve had critters taking up refuge under our house. The first time I realized we weren’t alone was when my dogs started barking at the tub. I initially chalked it up to them having some sort of bad acid flashback, but then I heard it, too. And, since I knew the mushrooms on the pizza I’d just eaten were not of the funny variety, I stopped brushing off my dogs as druggies, and started paying closer attention.
Scratch, scratch, scratch.
I would hear under my tub.
And I finally said what I’d always really known out loud. Because that’s the only way to make something true.
Umm, I think we have some four legged roomies living under us.
But, since I love animals more than people, I’ve always insisted that it’s no big deal.
They aren’t hurting anyone. And they need a place to live, too. Why can’t we all coexist? You know, like that song says, “We are the world, We are the possums.” Or something like that.
And coexisting did work well, for about six years.
It’s been fine and lovely and Snow White-y.
And then something had to up and die and BOY THIS PEACE PARTY REALLY DIED.
It’s always a party till something croaks, right?
Yesterday morning, when I walked into my bathroom and THE DEATH SMELL hit me, like only death smells can, I knew we had lost a roomie.
After I poured one out for our fallen friend, I googled “SOMEONE FUCKING HELP ME FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MY TOOTHBRUSH IS IN THERE.”
So, I found a dead animal removal company and they sent someone out.
While I was waiting for carcass guy to arrive, I begin wondering what a carcass guy was like.
Sure enough, he was just as I’d expected.
Ignoring my need to hug him, and say, “I’m sorry you really wanted to be a serial killer when you grew up and now you’re stuck in bright yellow jumpsuit with a flashlight and a wicked grin,” I led him to the bathroom of death.
The first attempt was unsuccessful. The victim was not accessible from the crawl space, and seemed to have lodged his decaying, probably not so furry and cute anymore, body up in between my bathtub and cabinet…where there’s a void in the wall.
Carcass dude is coming back today, with heavy duty wall sawing tools, to try again.
They were really nice about it on the phone this morning. I’m not sure if that’s just who they are, or if it had something to do with the hysterical sobs I was letting out, in between bites of my breakfast burrito.
This stinks in so many ways.
I almost wish it was an actual dead body under there. I mean, then the police would have to find and remove it, right? But, that would be totally sad because it would be an actual person, who doesn’t sleep in their own feces, have 9,000 fleas, and eat rats for dinner. Also because that would probably mean my husband is a serial killer and that I’d been wrong once again in thinking I’d finally adjusted my I only attract assholes radar.
Anyway, after lots of searching, it appears coffee grounds are like magic against the smell of death (totally not a coincidence that Dexter likes his coffee black). So, I laid out bowls of it in the bathroom and surrounding rooms. And, while it has a helped a little, my house now smells like a murder scene at Starbucks.
And, really, not even. Since it’s really cheap coffee, it’s probably more like a murder scene at, like, a Valero or 7-11.
The only positive, is that we were already planning on renovating that bathroom. So, me buying a sledge hammer and cracking the tub in half wouldn’t be that big of a deal.
Finally, what the fuck karma? All I do is rescue animals. And this is how you repay me?
WITH A ROTTING ANIMAL CARCASS?
Like, my friend on Twitter said this morning….
Either God is punishing me because I support gay marriage, or because of that one time during Spring Break that involved my toes and a gorilla suit.
But, really, I think it’s just that Karma really is a bitch.
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UPDATE: My amazing everything-man, Don, came over and sawed a hole in the cabinet. And sure enough, it was right where I said it would be.
A sweet, and very dead, baby raccoon! It’s mama must have been hurt and not come back. POOR THING. So sad.
The next order of business is closing off my crawl space.
Carcass-Gate Two is not happening on my watch.
Oh, and I took a picture.
I’m going to post it beneath this cute one that reminds me of Carcass-Gate, to give my squeamish readers time to click out.