Music is a huge part of our life.

No, we aren’t a family of lifelong musicians.

I can barely play chopsticks on the piano.

When I was little, my piano teacher diagnosed me with an untreatable, genetic case of too-tiny-hands and too-little-talent. This is also probably not the best combo if you’re looking to get into the porn industry.

My husband can jam, though. He started guitar lessons several years ago, and has since picked up the harmonica, as well.

I’m basically married to Bob Dylan.

Really, though, our main thing is listening to lots of music, hitting up live shows, and dancing like the dorks we are.

I do believe that music is the universal language, and that we’re born drawn to the beats.

I remember watching Footloose a couple of centuries ago and being so confused about the whole Jesus hates dancing thing, because music is in all of us…it’s natural. There’s no better example of this than witnessing a tiny baby shake what his mama gave him when someone drops that funky bassline.

We listen to music everyday in our house. We have dance parties, sing loudly, and dance like crazy.

It used to be so simple. We’d put a song on and the kids would dance.

But, now that Luca’s four, he’s really starting to listen to the songs I play, and ask about their lyrics.

(No more 2 Live Crew for us.)

Like, the other day on the way to school, I played a Neil Young

As the song ended, Luca chimed in from the backseat, “What’s that guy talking about?”

Oh, how I love this song, with it’s meaningful, powerful, and goose-bumpy message. And, while 2 Live Crew would have been much easier to explain, I tried my best.

“Okay, honey. The song says, to me, that you should never back down or give up on your dreams. Always be who you are, because you can do anything…even if others try to convince you that you can’t. Does that make sense? So, I guess what I’m saying is that don’t be denied means never taking no for an answer, and living your life the way you want it, as long as you don’t step on anyone else along the way, of course. Am I confusing you? This is a hard one for me to explain.

No, mommy. I understand. When you tell me no more candy, it means I should still have candy.

I’m currently rethinking the 2 Live Crew ban.

* * *

When I was a young boy
My mama said to me
Your daddy’s leavin’ home today
I think he’s gone to stay
We packed up all our bags
And drove out to Winnipeg

When we got to Winnipeg
I checked in to school
I wore white bucks on my feet
When I learned the golden rule
The punches came fast and hard
Lying on my back in the school yard

Don’t be denied, don’t be denied
Don’t be denied, don’t be denied
Don’t be denied, don’t be denied

Well pretty soon I met a friend
He played guitar
We used to sit on the steps at school
And dream of being stars
We started a band
We played all night

Don’t be denied, don’t be denied
Don’t be denied, don’t be denied
Don’t be denied, don’t be denied

Oh Canada
We played all night
I really hate to leave you now
But to stay just wouldn’t be right
Down in Hollywood
We played so good

The businessmen crowded around
They came to hear the golden sound
There we were on the Sunset Strip
Playing our songs for the highest bid
We played all night
The price was right

Don’t be denied, don’t be denied
Don’t be denied, don’t be denied
Don’t be denied, don’t be denied

Well, all that glitters isn’t gold
I know you’ve heard that story told
And I’m a pauper in a naked disguise
A millionaire through a business man’s eyes
Oh friend of mine
Don’t be denied

 * * *

This kid.

THIS AMAZING KID.

He loves music more than any tiny human I have ever met.

Sometimes, I think it’s because we made him in New Orleans, after a Widespread Panic show. Or, maybe it’s just that we listen to so much music.

Who knows!

But, he loves to dance.

Lately, he’s been working on his Bubble Guppies’ choreography.

And, he’s just about got it down.

My husband and I have been together for seven years now.

We have been married four years today!

We had many fun adventures together before we were married (mawwied? yes, mawwied!). Hopping on planes,  traveling across the country for nights of great music and camping.

Vacations were easy then. Carefree. We didn’t have to worry about babysitters or, “OMG what if something happens and we don’t make it back home.“  This meant I could devote all my time waiting for my husband to fall asleep so I could take funny pictures of me harassing him.

Finally, after living in sin together in our cute little rental, the question was popped.

Spoiler alert.

I said yes!

I made him pose for cheesy couple pictures with me, which is so not his thing!!

I  tried to put into words just how much he means to me.  It was not easy.

On March 11th, of 2006, the big day arrived. Both of us taking on our usual roles. Him, the strong, silent and loving one. Me, the loud, loud and loud one (and very happy!).

We didn’t want a traditional wedding. We didn’t plan on a first dance.  Thankfully, our band surprised us with one. They played “What a Wonderful World”, and we danced. And I bawled. And it was so perfect. My world was wonderful because he was mine. And legally so, sucka!

We should have been off to Hawaii for our honeymoon the day after our wedding.  We missed our flight and had to stay an extra night in Houston. We refused to go back home, opting to check into a hotel and fly out the next day. We laughed it off and made the best of it. We were together.

We finally made it to Hawaii the next day. Precisely one day before I cracked my kneecap in half walking to the pool climbing a mountain.

He spent a week pushing me around the resort in a wheelchair, which I kind of liked because I am one lazy bitch.  I still wore my sexy honeymoon lingerie.  And though my strut was more of a hobble and, well, there were the crutches, it was perfect. We were together.

Oh, and I got us a shit ton of Vicodin for our vacation. Score!

Married life before we had our precious baby boy was so simple. We were still able to jet away to Mexico or Vegas to party with our friends. And laugh at them when they passed out from having too much to drink.

We decided to have a baby.  I got pregnant right away. I was thrilled and terrified.  I miscarried a month later.  My husband was amazing.  He was everything I needed.

Except for a baby.

We got pregnant again the very next month! I was thrilled and terrified. And, apparently, I blamed everything on George W. Bush.

I began having contractions at 27 weeks. I was in the hospital for 3 days and at home under house arrest for 10 weeks.  I had a subcutaneous IV in my thigh, which delivered medicine to slow my contractions. I pretty much would have gone insane without my husband there. I thought this was the worst thing in the world. Did I really want to be a mom? I was not sure why I was even doing it.  Until I met him….

Then I realized I would have walked through hell and back to get to that moment.

I will never forget my husband’s face the first time he met our son.  He said to him, “Hey buddy!!!” with so much joy in his voice and such a smile on his face, I thought his head would explode. It takes my breath away and makes me cry to this day when I hear that “Hey buddy” in my head. My son is so lucky to have him as a daddy.

Ten days after that perfect day, the worst thing in the world happened. I lost four of the most important people in my life.

I have no idea how I would have made it through this without my husband. Amazing husband + Zoloft = you will survive, yo. He just has a way of calming me down. His presence alone does it. No words are really needed.

Putting up with me is not always easy. I am dramatic. I am stubborn. I can be really defensive. I talk way too much. I leave cabinet doors  and drawers open all over the house. I am crazy disorganized and a total scatterbrain. I have panic attacks on airplanes. Then I drink too much on said airplane.  I am pretty much like having a second child sometimes.

But, hey, when I fuck up,  I bake things like this.

Sometimes I embarrass him. I am loud. I say inappropriate things. It’s sometimes hard for me to be serious. I will also cop a feel any chance I get.

We sure have made ourselves a beautiful little family. I love us so much. I can’t believe this is my life.

Eventually, I do want to add to it. But, not quite yet. I want to enjoy this. The right now. It will never be the three of us again.

I love my husband way more than I think he knows. I hope I tell him enough. I mean, I tell him I love him all the time, but do I show it like I did in the beginning?  The sweet things I used to do for him daily seem to get put on the back-burner way too often.  And it’s not because I don’t want to do them, but because I am still figuring out this crazy mom/wife/me juggling act. Cliché, much?

When I first met my husband, an overwhelming feeling of peace came over me. It was hard to explain.

Our dog, Greta, used to do this thing.  At the end of the day she would jump on the bed, curl up in a little bawl and let out a deep sigh of contentment, as if she was thinking, “Thank God I made it here.”

This is how I was finally able to explain how my husband made me feel.  I told him once that he made me do the “Greta sigh”.

We had our wedding bands engraved when we got married. Mine says, “Even breathing felt…”, and his says, “Like something new.”

Exactly.

Thank God I made it here.