Last night, while I was fake-sleeping next to Kim Jong, I came across THIS NUGGET on my iPhone.

The gist of the article, entitled, “Kirk Cameron: Calling Gays ‘Destructive And Unnatural’ Is Love Speech,” goes a little something like this:

“Cameron says when you persecute gays you “speak the truth in love.

‘The truth is always love speech, it’s not hate speech. The truth, communicated with compassion, with the desire to see people in a right relationship with God, helped, and healed, and whole, is the most genuine form of love speech you can give to anyone.’”

It took all I had not to nudge my kid from is own fake-sleep and say, “Can you believe this asshole!”

But, rather than exposing my sweet boy to the real boogie men of the world, I took my rage to the internet.

Thankfully, my dear friends who live in my computer were just as disgusted by the has-been’s tired and bigoted remarks.

Here’s the thing.

There are so many people who spew this brand of hateful rhetoric, and, “Oh so controversial look at me! Look at me!” bullshit.

But, most of the time, I don’t believe that they even believe the things they’re saying. But, sadly, dollar signs can turn a lot of people into dicks.

But, Kirk?

I think he truly believes the things he says.

I’d put money on the fact that he’s just as bat shit crazy as he comes off.

The article goes on to say,

“For the record, Cameron calls homosexuality a “behavior,” and says “just because you feel one way doesn’t mean we should act on everything we feel.

‘Marriage is almost as old as dirt, and it was defined in the garden between Adam and Eve,” Cameron also told Piers Morgan. “One man, one woman for life till death do you part. So I would never attempt to try to redefine marriage. And I don’t think anyone else should either. So do I support the idea of gay marriage? No, I don’t.’”

Oh, golly gee Kirk, you’re so fucking insightful.

And, by insightful, I mean you’re a loose cannon, a bigoted asshole, and a danger to our society.

People, particularly children and young adults, kill themselves  all the time  when they hear  ignorant people like you  shouting from the rooftops  that they are somehow abnormal.

When, in reality people like you are the only abnormal ones.

When kids hear someone tell them that they should be ashamed of who they are, and that they shouldn’t be who they are, they believe it.

They are far too young to know that you’re really just a weak, little man who despises himself.

Every time a gay teenager or child commits suicide, it’s because of people like YOU.

Yeah, I said it.

Mike Seaver is killing gay people.

GASP!

It’s true.

Their blood is on his hands.

And Kirk-the-Jerk has SIX CHILDREN.

Six kids who are exposed to this kind of hate speech, daily.

Six kids who will likely go to school and bully other kids, because of what they’re learning at home – that it’s acceptable to do so.

And, what if one of his kids is gay?

Ugh. The thought of that makes my stomach turn. A child living in a house where they cannot be themselves. Coming home each day to a place that should be their safe zone, a place where they should be supported and loved no matter who they are. But, instead, they come home to a place where they feel nothing other than shame, fear, and self-loathing.

Kirk, I don’t give a shit what your bible says.

I don’t care what your god says.

You have the right to believe what you choose to believe.

But, you do not have the right to project your hateful, antiquated, despicable bullshit on the rest of society, simply because you’re a washed up actor trying to stay relevant.

You are irrelevant.

You are toxic.

You are a fear-monger.

You are a bully.

You are a fake Christian.

You cannot fool me with your sweet, little, curly head of hair, and shit-bag grin.

You’re no different than some skin-head, white supremacist asshole. You’re the boogie man in disguise, hiding behind some fucked up version of religion.

You are hate.

The only unnatural people are those they care about some random dude’s sexual preference.

For Christ’s sake, you had a friend named Boner for years.

But, fortunately, you are the minority, the outcast, and the sinner.

Each time I hear people like you open their disgusting mouths, my head explodes.

But, then, I put something like this out, and all the goodness and decency returned allows my soul to smile again.

You are a dying breed, Mike Seaver.

I thank GOD for that.

And, with all due respect, please shut the fuck up.

P.S. You’ve been replaced with Alex P. Keaton, even if he was a little conservative for my taste.

Last week, Luca wanted to be this for Halloween:

So, like the naive sucker I am, I bought it for him. Even with my husband telling me to hold off, that he would undoubtedly change his fickle, four year old mind.

And, of course the little punk has changed his mind. Hopefully, early enough that I’ll still get my money back for the feminine King Cobra I purchased him.

If not, Luca will just have to go to sleep hungry for the next few weeks.

Take it like a man, buddy.

Now, Luca is hell-bent on the entire family dressing up as Superheroes.

I love this idea, so I got to work.

First, I found my husband’s costume…

Fingers crossed it fits his package, in a way that won’t have his name added to the Neighborhood Sex Offender Registry.

Then, I got Luca’s costume all squared away…CUTE!

Next up, I set out to look for a superhero costume for me, anticipating that a quick Google search would do the trick…

And, it did do the trick, if I want to be a trick…ass-ho, that is.

Ummm, America?

Why do you hate clothes?

All I want to do is take my kid trick or treating, without anyone trying to slip dollar bills and Tootsie Roll Pops in my garter belt.

Luca was sitting next to me, as I searched for my costume, and immediately zoomed in on one in particular, shouting, “MOMMY! YOU HAVE TO PICK THIS ONE!”

Luca, that’s lovely, but I think mommy might be cold in that. It’s a little..ahem…drafty.

Finally, I was able to find myself a superhero costume that won’t have my son’s friends chanting, “Luca’s mommy’s a huge whore,” at him during recess.

As for Leo, I haven’t decided if I’ll buy him a superhero costume, as well, or just stick to the original plan, and have him be the rogue owl of the family.

I LOVE the owl, but this may be too cute to pass up.

One thing’s for sure….

Nobody will fuck with the Zapata Family this Halloween.

When I first saw this, my immediate reaction was to pump my tiny fists in the air and shout, “Where my ladies at?!”

But, then I remembered something I said in my presentation to the girls.

“Those attributes can be enough to make someone hate you, but only because they want to be you.”

So, I pulled my fists out of the air, back in close to my body, and did a little tweaking.

I don’t want other women to want to be me, or anyone else.

I want them to want to be exactly who they are: unique individuals with their own style and flair.

No matter how different another woman is…

Be kind.

Be accepting.

Be supportive.

And, that?

That’s something we can all fist-pump about.

Where my ladies at?

A few weeks ago, I posted this on Facebook.

Warning: Crude language ahead.

*Earmuffs*

Obviously, there was some tongue and cheek there.

But, it brought up an interesting, and respectful, discussion on the things we choose to put on the internet, for all to see, and how these things affect our children. And, more importantly, it made me think about how we choose to present ourselves to our children.

How much of us do we let them see?

Are we real people to them, or just mom and dad?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Friend: I hate that word and adore you. I would honestly like to know when and at what age you think it is appropriate for your precious sons can start saying this word? Like I said … I love and adore you, but this profanity is not what I prefer to use on a daily basis. Let me know your thoughts.

ME: Hmm. interesting question. When they are older, I don’t have a specific age, I guess it’s different for everyone and their own maturity level, if they are respectful to others and aren’t all like, “FUCK YOU MAM I ASKED FOR FRIES WITH MY BURGER NOT FRUIT,” THAT would be unacceptable to me. But, if they stub their toe in our house and mumble “god damn it” or “fuck that hurt,” I wouldn’t be too outraged or upset. To me, it’s just a word. On the other hand, if they call someone STUPID or DUMB, I would be IRATE. I would rather them say motherfucker on a daily basis than use those types of words. Do I make any sense? HA (Not a trick question).

Friend: My oldest is in college and my youngest is a sophomore in high school. Yes..they have heard that word ten fold. They follow me ( as I do them) on all social medias. I just prefer not to say it because I think it is beyond degrading. I just don’t think it is appropriate to use and/or I don’t like to let them see their mom say it over and over again. My opinion, yes. Just curious what you will do when Leo and Luca are on social media. I’m sure things will be totally different then. Maybe it will be no big deal, but I still feel this word is extremely offensive. Please respect my opinion as I do yours.

ME: Of course I respect your opinion! And, obviously, I’m sure it doesn’t need to be said, that I never cuss in front of my boys, minus the occasional SHIT! if a car nearly wrecks into me or something. And, funny, because I just got done saying to my husband that there is not one single thing on my blog that I wouldn’t want my boys to read. Again, to me, it’s simply a word that someone made up. I am so much more fearful of them saying something like “that’s retarded!” or “that’s so gay!” or the other F word that I DO consider awful and offensive..fag. Ugh. It pained me to even type it. So, if I hear my boys as teens, playing basketball outside and one yelled “I just dunked in your fucking face, dude,” I wouldn’t make an issue of it, UNLESS it was used directly like “F you!!” But, if I heard them say, “Quit being such a fag!” or “That’s so retarded, man,” you better believe I would drag them inside by their ears and let them have it! To me, it seems so many people don’t find these words degrading, when they are so much worse than actual “bad” words. My opinion, of course! Good discussion! xo

Friend: You know I love you and think you are insanely talent and creative when it comes to writing. I’m just thinking once you’ve put it out there…it’s out there… and you should have no regrets. I may be old school, but it’s something I don’t want my kids to be able to look back up and see. Just my opinion. Love ya girl!!!

ME: Maybe it IS a generational thing! But, every single thing I have ever written on my blog makes me proud of myself and I stand by it 110%. If, god forbid, I am taken too soon from my boys, they’ll be able to read my words and know that I am a REAL person with REAL flaws, not this strange sparkly version of ourselves we all too often portray to our kids. They will read about how depressed I was when I was pregnant and how I didn’t want to be pregnant and wanted to die or have a miscarriage, but that after seeing their faces I would have done it again in a HEARTBEAT. They will know I had an eating disorder for ten years and that I kicked it’s ass. They will see that I talk about all of this without an ounce of shame and and that it’s doesn’t mean they are weak when they have their own struggles, and they will. It just means they are beautifully flawed like the rest of us. They will know how much I value other people and their feelings and how much I hate discrimination and inequality. They will know I think being compassionate to others, even if they are different, and helping them when they need it is SO, SO important in life. And, then they’ll say, “Man, mom was a potty mouth, huh, dad?” And I am. And that’s just another part of me. If you ask any single one of my friends or family or even my OBGYN, they will tell you that they way I talk on here and on my blog, is exactly how I talk in real life. Of course, I have manners and know when NOT to open my sailor mouth, but this is who I am…good or bad. And, if reading me say “Man, that guy fighting against gay rights is a fucking asshole,” is the worst of it? I am so, SO happy with that.  And, I totally respect your opinion and totally adore you. xoxo

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I want my children to know me…to know all of me…not just bits and pieces.

I want them to know about the good, and the not so good times in my life, my mistakes and my triumphs, and how I dealt with it all.

How much of yourselves do you share with your kids? Do you want them to know all of you? Or just the politically correct version of you?

Poor Gabby Douglas.

People just won’t stop picking her apart.

First, there was hair-gate.

And then…

Sunday, my friend Meredith mentioned on Skype how disgusted she was, after watching a segment on Entertainment Tonight on the massive debt Gabby’s mother had accumulated.

My reply to this was simply, “Yuck.”

And then I moved on, not thinking too much more about it.

But, last night, I hit play on my DVR to watch some trashy celebrity shit while I was falling asleep. I had completely forgotten about Mer’s comment…until the leading segment on Entertainment Tonight began.

Yes.

The leading segment was all about the tremendous amount of debt Gabby’s mother was in. You know, debt she’s accumulated from sacrificing everything she had for her daughter’s dream. Like most mother’s would for their children.

They talked about how much she owed.

They pondered if Gabby’s new-found fame and money would be used to pay it all off.

They questioned whether any of Gabby’s new celebrity fans (Beyonce and Jennifer Garner) would come galloping in on their horses to help her poor, poor mother out.

They were so concerned about their fucking ratings Gabby’s mother’s financial situation.

I laid in my bed, slack-jawed, at this bullshit ratings grabber. All I kept saying to my dogs was WHAT THE FUCK?

How about leading with a story on this talented young lady’s accomplishments? Or how her mother gave up so much of herself to support her daughter and help her realize her dream of being an Olympian…and how truly outstanding she is because of it.

No, this trashy television show went in the opposite direction, choosing to dissect her mother in the most personal way. And, all of this during such a spectacular and amazing time in this family’s life.

Will the rich people save this poor woman?

Will Gabby help her mother out or spend her money on a new hair stylist?

Stay tuned tomorrow while we talk about her deadbeat dad!

Simply disgusting, spinning such an awesome moment into something so negative, and ripping her apart, rather than lifting her up.

Shame on you, Entertainment Tonight! Way to be a proud American.

I’ve mentioned this show before, but I guess it wasn’t enough for me to turn off the channel.

But, this?

This was enough.

And from now on, I think I’ll get my trashy celeb gossip somewhere else.

Quick! Someone start an Entertainment Tonight Appreciation Day!

I wasn’t gonna say anything, but….

I thought I’d gather my rants from throughout the day and put them together here.

Today is officially one of the dumbest fucking days in America.

— Allison Zapata (@allisonzapata) August 1, 2012

Last week I saw a link on Facebook for Chick-Fil-A Appreciation Day.

I half-thought it was a joke. Then today I woke up to a shit-show on my social networking feeds.

Turns out, it was for serious.

I saw comments like…

“Yum, Chick-Fil-A!”

“I’m in line and it’s packed! Excited to see this amount of support!!”

And, my favorite…

“I had free speech for lunch!”

Many of these were peppered with, “Oh, but don’t get me wrong, I LOVE gay people. I’m just standing up for free speech!”

And, that’s where I call bullshit.

In my opinion, those who so fervently supported the dumbest fucking day in America were simply using the First Amendment to camouflage the way they really feel. Like cowards, they hide behind the Constitution, because they dislike gay people…for whatever reason – a religious book that’s their truth, homophobia, or good ol’ down-home family values.

Because, somewhere inside, even they know that saying these things out loud makes them sound like a huge dick.

And, fine, it’s their choice to be a dick. It’s being a hypocrite I take issue with.

Here’s the thing.

Everyone knows how strongly I support equal rights. So, it may come as a surprise to learn that I don’t have a problem with the chicken-guy’s stance on gay-marriage.

Because, no matter how small your mind is, or how much you judge others, I do believe each of us are entitled to free speech.

Personally, I’m sure I’ll eat at CFA again one day. I have two kids and I’m lazy. But, right now I have a really bad taste in my mouth, because such a large number of their profits are used to support such a hateful agenda.

And, I don’t care who eats there. Of course, I won’t automatically think you are an asshole or homophobe, just because you love you some waffle fries.

But, I might-sorta-do think you’re an asshole if you were that gung-ho and enthusiastic in supporting the dumbest fucking day in America.

And, I definitely think you’re a hypocrite by pretending it was because of the First Amendment.

Because…

People are not putting chicken-guy in jail for his views, and he isn’t being stoned to death.

So, so what if people CHOOSE not to like his views or support his establishment.

That’s their freedom of speech.

To come out in full force and say some of the things I heard today, as to why people support CFA, kills me.

Don’t they see it?

Don’t they know there are gay kids soaking in every hateful word?

These kids don’t hear free speech. They hear that they’re abnormal, and not worthy enough to be free in the land of the free.

When some of these kids kill themselves, which they will, it is these people’s fault. They gave them the rope they used to hang themselves, and the gun that blew their head off.

Let’s flip sides for a moment with a fast-food hypothetical. I mean, why not, it is the dumbest fucking day in America.

Imagine the owner of Whataburger proclaimed himself an atheist. And, that’s not all. He also donated five million big ones to fund Planned Parenthood.

You can bet your bible-thumping, holier than thou, judgmental, fake Christian ASS, that these people would be boycotting some fancy fucking ketchup.

I mean, sure, I’d call them idiots, but I certainly wouldn’t go out and declare it Whataburger Appreciation Day.

If they chose to no longer support Whataburger, I wouldn’t give a shit, because it would be their right.

So, eat wherever you want to eat, and support whoever you want to support.

But, at least have the balls to admit the real reason behind it, rather than hiding behind politics and freedom of speech.

I declare tomorrow National Abortion Clinic Appreciation Day. ABORTIONS FOR ALL! Lights snacks will be provided.

— Allison Zapata (@allisonzapata) August 1, 2012

I saw this on my friend Faiqa’s Facebook page recently.

I love it, and believe there are people out there from all the sides of all the agendas that can, and often do, appreciate, model and act on this sentiment.

I think most humans are decent. And, if you take a step back, the person you are arguing with, the one that lives in your computer, is likely one of the most.

Sometimes our big balls on the internet make our hearts and minds look smaller, or make us seem angrier than we really are.

Or maybe we really are that angry, and sitting behind our computers and shouting our frustrations, is the easiest way to let it all out.

But, in real life, very few of us would communicate our views so aggressively.

Because, when personally interacting with someone, it’s easier to get a feel of their true character, and understand how their personal experiences have molded their outlook on the world. We get a much deeper understanding when sitting face to face, than when we judge someone solely by their Facebook likes or the profile picture of them shotgunning a beer.

(I first wrote “bear” instead of “beer” in the previous sentence. Shotgunning a bear is so much worse and less fun than shotgunning a beer.)

I’m so guilty of raging from behind my computer screen, seeing things through my black and white lenses. But, when I do it, it seems acceptable, because I’m right.

Of course.

Yesterday, I saw judgement and insensitivity strewn all across my computer screen.

Stuff like this.

And, I immediately engaged, judging the judgers, as I do so well.

But, these people, the ones pointing fingers at the victims and shaming them, baffle me.

I’d like just one of them to tell me that they’ve never gone five miles over the speed limit, when running late to school. Or, have never left their kid alone in the other room for a few minutes longer than they should have.

If we were to put a microscope on every single parenting choice we’ve made, the what-ifs would be terrifying.

Where is the support for our fellow (wo)man? Why are we so quick to attack and knock each other down? How does this make someone feel better about themselves?

And I’m sure someone will say to me, “Oh, you hippie-chick idealist, we live in the real world. Deal with it.”

And, yes, I can be an idealist. But, what the hell is wrong with wanting to believe that there’s more good than bad in the world, or trying to make the bad a tiny bit better?

But, as idealistic as I can be, I’m certainly not naive.

I know how messed up things are in this county, and in this world.

I know that our gun laws are too lax.

I know that there are crazy people in this world.

I know that guns kill people.

I know that people kill people.

I know that most people with guns don’t kill people.

I know that mental health in this country is sub-par, at best.

I know that one can be so proud of their country, as I am, and still acknowledge that there are things we can do to make it better. In fact, if you ask me, THAT is the true definition of loving your country. Change and adaptation are not evil or bad things. They are, in fact, a necessity.

And, I know that if we don’t stop acting like spoiled babies, refusing to even entertain the notion that the other side may have some valid points, we are fucked.

Why is it all our nothing?

Why is someone who collects AK-47′s not willing to say, “You know what? If it makes our country safer, I can find another fucking hobby.”

Why can’t others say, “You can have your hunting rifles, let’s just tighten things up a bit,” rather than, “You can’t own any guns at all!”

Why does it have to be all or nothing and us against them?

We teach our kids all day long to work together, respect one another, and play nice. Meanwhile, we sit in our corners with our arms crossed, singing la-la-la I can’t hear you, when someone disagrees with us.

A country of stubborn infants is what we’ve become.

As I was getting ready for bed, I felt deflated and disappointed in people.

Then, this popped up in my inbox, and, unbeknownst to her, the timing couldn’t have been better.

My god, I can’t even tell you how much I appreciated this.

Anne, taking a couple of minutes of her time to write this, changed my entire week.

I’m positive she had no idea how much it would mean to me.

But, all those things we think are unimportant or don’t matter, the things we don’t have time for (but, really do)….they matter.

If we all stopped and took a minute to lift someone up, rather than knock them down, just imagine how good…how much less toxic…things could be.

Also, just to be sure, because, you know, I have zero verification that this was written by his real nurse.

(I did, however, tweet the clinic my post on the ordeal, and they ensured me it would be shared with Luca’s doctors and nurses. So, maybe it is.)

Admittedly, though, it’s possible I’m sharing this to fluff myself, due to my parenting insecurities and paranoia from this week’s events. But-but-but, I’m also writing it to have record of it all…manuscripts of memories to share with my kids one day. And-and-and, also to show how a few words can change someone’s day from bad to good.

(But, probably mostly because fuck yeah I’m an awesome mom, so take that haters who exist only in my mind!)

Finally, as I was finishing out my thoughts, and my day, this bright-red cherry plopped itself right on top of everything…

This was in reply to me sharing her show-dates on Facebook…

(Which, you should totally check out if you’re in the area. I’ve known her since we were fourteen years old. She’s the real deal.)

Two people took the time to share their positive feelings with me, to lift me up with their words, and say things out loud that most of us only think.

It seems way too simple, I know. But, I truly believe, if we all treated one another this way, the road to positive change wouldn’t seem so impossibly long and out of reach.

Thanks for taking the time to read my thoughts….xo

The only childhood memory I have of politics is sitting around the television with my family, waiting to find out if Reagan had been reelected.

And, boy, how I wanted him to win.

Because, my mom did, so, of course.

I was eight and had yet to discover the concept of free thinking. And, I was pretty sure it was illegal to think differently than your parents.

It wasn’t until I began approaching the legal voting age, that I realized I could have my own opinions on all of the things.

The freedom to think for myself was so….freeing.

As I began to understand political parties, and all they represent, it dawned on me that I wasn’t a die-hard Republican, like most of my family. In fact, my bleeding heart and desire to save the world, placed me on the exact opposite end of the political spectrum of bullshit.

I remember the day I came out to my mom. We were standing on opposite sides of an Abercrombie and Fitch t-shirt display, and I shouted over the blaring music, “I DIDN’T VOTE FOR BUSH!”

*Record scratch*

Gasp!

At first, I think my mom thought I’d inhaled too much Abercrombie cologne, but I said it again, and louder this time, with less of a catch in my voice.

I didn’t vote for Bush!

By her reaction, you would have thought I’d just proclaimed my dream to be the first American female suicide bomber.

From then on, my mom and I have had more heated political disputes than I can count. One even ended with me crying tears of world peace, onto my bacon, at a local breakfast diner.

The women in my family are of the dramatic variety, a gene which I definitely inherited.

I also inherited stubbornness, a loud mouth, and way too much passion over things, and people, that I don’t have the power to change.

Now, when it comes to fiscal shit, I don’t dig in too deep. Like I’ve said before, math and numbers make me itchy and nervous and nauseous. I usually only go so far as to say that I think both sides need to bend more and give a little (insert sex joke here). You know, if we could possibly cut spending and raise taxes, maybe we’d all be better off.

But, who the fuck cares about moderation anymore, right? As long as their team is winning.

Moving on…

My true passion lies with social issues.

In a nutshell…

I believe that every child deserves the same education and healthcare that my child is privileged enough to have.

I believe that the poorest of the poor deserve the same access to healthcare that I’m lucky enough to have.

I believe that everyone deserves equal rights when it comes to who they choose to marry.

And, I believe that no one has the right to tell me what to do with my body….my lady-bits in particular.

Contrary to how that last part may sound, I’m far from what you’d call a feminist.

Open the door for me? Help me carry this heavy box? Pay for my dinner? Earn all the money and let me stay home and fuck around online? SIGN ME UP! Just don’t tell me what to do with my vagina.

Seriously, though, these are things I’m inflexible on; and things I’d be happy to pay extra taxes for, because I know that the situation we’re all born into is merely a big, fucking, crap-shoot. Some of us are members of the lucky sperm club, but so many are not. I could have just as easily been born into nothing…and have nothing….but, I’m one of the lucky ones, the privileged, as they say.

And, it’s because of my strong beliefs on these issues, that I could never bring myself to cast a vote for a Republican. Well, at least not the latest breed of them, anyway.

This is where things get tricky for me. Trying to reconcile my strong “to each his own” philosophy with my “how the fuck can you think that way” heart-speak, is a tough row to hoe.

I pride myself on being open-minded and respectful to the beliefs of others. And, although I may not understand or agree with it, it’s hard to argue when someone doesn’t want to pay higher taxes, to help those who have less. It’s their money and their prerogative, like it or not.

But, this maturity of mine goes to shit the moment I hear someone say they’re opposed to gay marriage. I turn into a know-it-all and a martyr, and the ranting begins.

Sadly, this nation’s political climate has become so divisive that it’s become difficult to see people as individuals. Everyone is lumped together on one side or the other…with the Ron Paul’ers somewhere on their own planet.

I shamefully admit to judging someone when I see Republican or I love Jesus on their Facebook profile. I automatically assume they’re against equal rights, or healthcare, or letting women make decisions for themselves.

I also sometimes assume they shout things like, Barack HUSSEIN Obama, and SHOW ME YOUR BIRTH CERTIFICATE YOU DAMN KENYAN! (This is the shit I have no problem judging because, come on, really? Really? Give me an intelligent argument and then we can talk.)

Anyway, I recently had a conversation with a friend, one who considers herself to be more right than left. But, in this current climate, she feels alienated by the extremists and, in turn, has become politically apathetic.

“I just don’t vote at all anymore, because I can’t handle the gay marriage debate. I DON’T CARE WHO SOMEONE ELSE MARRIES!”

This is where I get really confused. Because, based on my understanding of the Republican Party, my assumption would be that every conservative would think this way. Because, hello, less government. But, sadly, it seems much of the party, or maybe just the loud ones, have instead gone the way of: less government *gays-and-women-do-not-apply.

I always fail to read the god damn fine print.

Every time I browse the headlines, I see hateful rhetoric coming from the opposing team. Sadly, I’ve been brainwashed over time, much like those that spew this hate, into thinking that all Republicans feel this way.

But, after having a few conversations with conservative friends and family, who aren’t against gay marriage (my mom included), I realized I was being an ass by measuring someone up solely by which party they identify with.

Which is the same as people assuming that I love all things Democrat. Because, if they bothered to ask, they’d discover I’m the wife of someone who works in the Finance and Energy Industry, and that I was less than keen on the whole Occupy Wall Street movement.

I always shout that people need to think for themselves, yet I was failing to do the same.

So, rather than holding onto my assumptions, and standing with my arms crossed in my we are the world except for you asshole corner, I decided it would be more productive, and adult(ish), to actually engage the others, and ask them questions.

(trying to prove a point here.) How many of you call yourself a Republican and are NOT against gay marriage? (I say there are a lot)

— Allison Zapata (@allisonzapata) July 6, 2012

And BOY how they answered.

And, then my head exploded from the confusion, and my heart burst from the relief.

Because, it turns out? Not all Republicans are dicks about equal rights…

“I’m on the republican/libertarian border and am NOT against gay marriage.”

“Weighing in late, but I lean republican, as does most of my family, and we all support gay marriage. Old and young. Unfortunately, it’s the vocal minority that gets all the attention. And the other 95% of us get a bad rap because of it.”

“My parents are DIEHARD republicans & very catholic. And they are NOT against gay marriage. My Dem in-laws? Are against it.”

“Most – if not all – of the Republicans I know support gay marriage. They are all 40 or under. I think that’s the key fact.”

“Is this the same as Catholics being OK with gay marriage? Like not everything applies?”

“If I have to choose one of the two parties, I’m a republican. I’m completely FOR gay marriage. I’m also pro-choice. My parents and hubby feel the same way too — all registered Republicans.”

“I’m a libertarian, but I’m conservative and can’t love gay marriage more.”

“Um, me. But people say that makes me NOT a “true” Republican. (whatever that means)”

“I’m repub and support gay marriage ”

“I’m libertarian (but vote republican BC I don’t want to waste my vote) and I’m for gay marriage!”

“I’m all for two hot chicks filing a joint tax return.”

“I’m republican and I fully support gay marriage. Heterosexual marriage, not so much.”

“I’m for love… And whom ever shares it. LGBT.”

“I’m republican, live in Massachusetts and don’t really care who gets married.”

“I’m pretty republican. And I’m just fine with gay marriage. I think conservative political views and conservative religious views typically go hand in hand in the media. Republican is a political affiliation, conservative is a way of thinking. I am in no way a conservative religious person but my fiscal and political views are more conservative than not.”

“I’m an independent and absolutely for gay marriage. I’m convinced that in 50 years we’ll look back on this time as we now do interracial marriage when it was banned. I’ve yet to see an argument against gay marriage that’s not based in religion, and that really crisps my cookies. Religion has no place in our government, and I don’t think gay marriage should even be up for a vote: it’s a civil rights issue.”

“Fiscal conservative, social libertarian – love and let love, baby. The fringes on both sides fill the airwaves, but I’m guessing most Americans really don’t care.”

“I was a republican, but I lost faith in both parties. I am fiscally conservative, socially liberal. 100% support gay marriage. I don’t even understand why it’s a question. And my name is Gary VanDerMolen. I have no problem standing with the LGBT community for equal rights.”

“I’m a conservative not against gay marriage. My take – how can we force our beliefs on those who don’t believe the same? I should also add that I am an evangelical Christian that really doesn’t understand the church’s stance on this topic. -) my thought is that IF being gay is a sin, it’s still not a belief that can be forced on those who don’t believe that way.”

Sidenote: I took things a step further, like I usually do, asking…

Great answers. Now, any republican followers against gay marriage? And can explain why without referencing the bible? If ur ballsy, tell me!

— Allison Zapata (@allisonzapata) July 7, 2012

And, not surprisingly, the only thing I received in return was…

*CRICKETS*

Either because no one had an answer that wasn’t based on religion, or because they knew there was a good chance I’d kick them in the balls.

And, while I’m absolutely thrilled by the overwhelming number of answers I received from pro-equal rights Republicans, I’m still left wondering one thing.

How can one cast a vote for a person that doesn’t believe in something as important as equal rights for all?

Why aren’t the thousands of good guys not speaking up and shouting that this hateful rhetoric and discrimination is unacceptable?

If it’s true that people really do have the power to make a difference, then why aren’t more of them standing in unison against the loud minorities, and yelling, “YOU DO NOT REPRESENT US!”

Because that would be the kind of right I could get behind.

While I think it’s awesome that Katie feels more comfortable in her own skin, I think the choice of words used to describe her photo shoot are less awesome, careless and irresponsible.

It’s just not the message young girls should hear…you hear?

Cue the eating disorders.

Good job.

Assholes.

First things first…

We are frequent visitors to the Children’s Museum of Houston.

We’ve been going since Luca could crawl.

The place is exceptional.

Just today, on our way in, I saw that Parents Magazine had rated it the best children’s museum in the country.

And I believe it.

It’s outstanding.

Second things second…

Don’t tweet when you’re pissed off. You won’t get your point across well, or gracefully. And isn’t there some bullshit saying about honey and vinegar and bees or catching flies or something?

Anyway, I went off on the museum folk on a platform that didn’t allow me to tell my story fully, or the least bit eloquently. I fear I just ended up sounding like some scorned chick who wanted to score some free shit on the internet.

And I don’t.

Here’s the deal.

In the museum, there’s a fabulous area designated for the young ones. It has an equally adorable name – The Tot Spot.

Luca loved it when he was little and we’ve just, in the past year, moved on to exploring the rest of the museum. Not because of the age limit (which I’m getting to), but because it was the natural progression of things. He was ready.

Today, I told him it was time we introduce Leo to his old Tot Spot stomping grounds. He was thrilled.

First we take Leo and show him, and then we go to the boats outside!

Great plan!

So, we bought our tickets and it worked out perfectly, because we couldn’t even enter the big kids’ section for another half hour because of capacity.

We headed upstairs to the TS and, as we approached, an employee was busy telling another family what I’m about to tell you.

“You may not bring your older child in here. Period. Just the one under three.”

The rule is that no child under the age of 35 months is allowed in the Tot Spot area.

Let me say, before I go on, that I totally understand this rule. I get that people don’t want a bunch of crazy six year olds running wild amongst what is an otherwise safe, nurturing, and fun experience for the under three crowd.

I don’t want that around Leo, either!

So, I get it. And, it’s completely reasonable, even if it is completely impractical for those of us parents flying solo with children of different ages.

And, to their credit, they state this very clearly. In fact, it’s plain as day, in alarmingly bright red font, on their website.

But, to my credit, I am knee-deep in kid shit and tantrums over here most of the day, so I don’t always have time to navigate to a particular section of their website, especially since I’ve been a patron long before this issue affected me.

It never even occurred to me to check on this…I’ve been there a million times.

So, back to today.

We were told Luca was not allowed in the TS, no exceptions.

But you can go look at the boats outside, with both kids.

Cue the pouring rain.

So, unless I gave my four year old a few bucks, and a time to meet me back in the parking garage, the Tot Spot was a no go.

And, we couldn’t go outside.

And, we couldn’t enjoy the older kids’ area for another half hour, although we’d already paid for it (another thing I wish they explained upon admittance).

So, being that we’d been there for all of five minutes, I asked where I could get my money back.

“Talk to admissions,” I was told.

I then, perhaps a bit vindictively, proceeded to let Kim Jong continue his epic, screaming, tantrum, right there on the bench beside the Tot Spot soup Nazi.

No Tot Spot for you!

I noticed she was on the phone much of the time, and when I finally went down to inquire about a refund, they were expecting me. This was evident by the massive eye-rolls that welcomed me from behind the desk.

I explained that I knew this wasn’t their fault, and they didn’t make this rule, but that I wanted my money back.

Then, Miss Thang came out and told me all of the other things I could take Leo to see.

“Oh, there’s a this and a that and some lake and yadda yadda,” she explained.

Yes, but can I safely let him loose on the floor to explore like I can in the Tot Spot?

Not so much.

Anyway, she stamped a big ass DENIAL on my refund request and I stormed out, mumbling something really douchey about taking this up on social media.

I KNOW.

But, I was angry.

Angry, because of my screaming kid, and also because they should have it posted, next to the other ten signs of information at the ticket counter, that kids over 35 months aren’t allowed upstairs.

Or, I don’t know, maybe tell a parent, who clearly has a baby and an older child with them, that the baby will not be able to do anything baby-like if the older kid is present. You know, before you take their money.

Or, in the very least, offer a refund in a situation like the one that occurred today.

I’m sorry you didn’t know. And I’m sorry we didn’t have room in the bad ass section for another half hour, which in toddler and dog years equals something like seven years. Oh, and since you’ve only been here for five minutes, and you come all the damn time, how about we offer you a refund OR passes to come back another day: One for the baby. One for the big boy?

Now, that, is a good way to run a business, and one that wouldn’t have left me wanting to put someone in a headlock until they cried uncle.

Will I go back to the Children’s Museum?

Of course I will.

That is, if they’ll have us after our behavior today.

After all, we did throw quite the little shit show.

Luca left looking like this…

And, me, like this…

For shame.

Finally, should you go to the Children’s Museum of Houston if given the chance?

ABSOLUTELY.

It’s a beautiful environment, and the cream of the crop of children’s museums.

Everything there is amazing, and it’s such an awesome experience for the family.

Except for those eye-rolling chicks behind the counter, of course.

Psshaw.

Update: The person I referred to as the “tot spot soup nazi” was really as nice and lovely and uncomfortable as anyone could be, when having to enforce an unpopular rule.

Another update: And, the first manager that came to the TS area? Was as nice as nice could be, and boy am I sorry he caught me on one of the three days a year I confront someone.