A while back, I wrote a post for the Houston Real Estate Observer, on neighbors.
I included a photo I’d taken during the most recent Texas Gubernatorial Election.
(I so had to look up gubernatorial. Real Allison just says governor).
The picture, below, is a documentation of my neighbors’ pissing contest.
You know, their, my dick is bigger than yours war.
It began slowly.
And was all very subtle.
One guy stuck a Rick Perry sign in his front yard and, soon after, his next door neighbor followed with a sign of his own.
Ricky Perry’s contender, Bill White.
So, the Perry guy was all, “I’ll match your White with another Perry and raise you a with Fire Pelosi.”
So, then the other guy was all, “OH YEAH?” Well, I’m gonna put up a sign of someone running for some position locally that I really have no idea about but you’d hate everything she stands for so fuck you very much.”
Oh, the dreams I had.
Of me, late at night, dressed head to toe in black. I’d leave my house just after it fell asleep, jogging the few blocks it takes to ground zero. I would quickly switch the signs, placing each of them in the opposing yard. Then, if I had time, I would throw a few rolls of toilet paper in their trees and run back to my car screaming,”GO! GO! GO!,” until I realized it was just me and so I’d drive home cautiously, chug a glass of wine, and apply my eye-wrinkle cream in bed.
Of course, I totally wussed out.
All those thoughts of being arrested, or shot by the Republican, or being made to enter into same sex marriage by the Democrat, were making me panicky.
Plus, I was never really good at those things.
I always had to pee.
But, ladies and gentlemen, here is my second chance!
THE DREAM HAS BEEN RESURRECTED!
Let the games begin!
THE GREAT PISSING CONTEST OF 2012
If anyone needs me, I’ll be out buying toilet paper, wine, and eye wrinkle cream.